EP#122 Willingness to Accept Help

[00:00:00] Hi everyone, my name's Dex Randall, and this is the Burnout to Leadership podcast, where I teach professional men to recover from burnout and get back to passion and reward at work.

[00:00:22] Righty ho then. Hello my friends. This is Dex once again and welcome to this week's episode on becoming willing to receive help. And I'm talking about this today, you'll probably guess, because really that's a challenge for everybody in burnout, is to reach out for help. And I do want to encourage you specifically, if you think you might need help, but feel that resistance to asking for it to really hear me out today.

[00:00:50] Just stick around for a minute because I've got some really good news for you. I'll give you some of it now. Okay. Spoiler alert. Asking for help with burnout recovery will in hindsight be one of the best things you've ever done for yourself, your career growth, your finances, your leadership

[00:01:10] and team success, your partner, your kids, your sense of freedom and joy, your passion and engagement. I could go on, but I think you get the picture. And the best part, no one will ever know you had any help at all. It'll be between you and me if you come and work with me, but for sure they're going to notice big improvements in how you are at work, including performance, results,

[00:01:38] timekeeping, productivity, attitude, collaboration, sociability, mood, mentoring, and proactive support of others. You're just going to be this much more fresh and eager version of your current waning, pissed off self if you're in burnout now. So remember how you were, for example, at the beginning of your career.

[00:02:05] All creative ideas and fun. It's you think that's gone forever, but what if I said that there's a new, more mature and wise version of that's just as passionate and enjoyable, but maybe not quite as naive? Do you think that's what, your inner self is calling for? Same excellence and success, less wear and tear?

[00:02:30] In fact, less hours grinding away at your desk, less frustration, disenchantment, or even resentment. So if that sounds a bit like you stay with me because. If such a life is available in a matter of weeks, just by asking for expert help, why isn't everyone doing it? Why do people in burnout not seek or accept help, or wait until they're half dead with exhaustion, bitterness, anxiety, and dread to do it?

[00:03:01] Why would anyone wait for that help? Let's talk about that. Because if you are perhaps that person, suffering in or near burnout,

[00:03:13] living in anxiety, moody, fatigued, trying to outrun your problems and failing, not asking for help, see if any of these reasons that I'm going to tell you in a moment for not seeking or accepting help, see if they resonate with you. Number one, anxiety and shame. It's a bit like, burnout's my desperate secret that I don't even want to admit to myself, let alone anyone else.

[00:03:41] Another thought, it could destroy my career. Sounds plausible, doesn't it? I need to be seen as the best. I need to maintain status. And not lose face. I'm a fixer, people rely on me. Failure is just not an option. I've never failed before. I need to be in control. Invincible. All over it. Or, I'll get on top of things soon, like I always do.

[00:04:09] I'll just work a bit harder and fix it. Or, it's not my fault. It's the project, or my boss, or the organization, or the whole industry. Or, What would my wife and kids think? This is really common. Another one is, Unsureness about ourselves. I don't even want to think about what would happen next if I admit defeat.

[00:04:36] Unknown territory, right? Or, I'm giving myself such massive shit already, I can't bear for that to get any worse. Or, I don't want to be seen as weak. Or, everyone else is coping. Subtext, why aren't I? Or, I feel out of control and I don't want to lose even more control. So does any of that sound like you and what you're telling yourself?

[00:05:02] Maybe there's a whole bunch more reasons you're telling yourself to stay in hiding and not let anyone know that you're in burnout and you're not really winning. And the reasons that you tell yourself in your head are probably going to sound quite compelling to you. But really ask yourself this. Are they mostly saving face?

[00:05:22] I I understand, of course, I've been through burnout as well. I did that too. Certainly my biggest worry was that the boss was going to find out, or in fact, anybody was going to find out that I was burning out. So I hid it and I shut up and I didn't seek help for a long time. And in my case, that strategy didn't work very well when my health collapsed.

[00:05:42] My anxiety ran so high that I just walked out of a meeting and quit my job on Tuesday morning, went home and soon after I had a heart attack. Not recommended. So if you aren't currently seeking help for your burnout, please be very kind to yourself about that because it does make sense on the level of this high expectations culture we're all living in.

[00:06:07] And there's really no point in beating yourself up and adding more blame and shame to the mix, but do come and have a talk to me, if that's you about what you need to feel better. And what recovery might look like for you, where you're trying to get to, what goodness can come into your future career and your life outside work.

[00:06:29] But of course there's a bunch more reasons aren't there, so you might also be concerned about the quality of help that you think is available to you and the consequences of choosing that help. And here are some more factors that might hold you back from a better life that's waiting for you. The first one of course, I don't want to tell anyone how I feel.

[00:06:49] "I've got enough shame already." But if you had cancer, you'd mention it, right? Of course, we all know that burnout has been stigmatised socially. And really that's terribly unhelpful, but it's why such a huge percentage of the modern workforce have untreated burnout. Cause nobody wants to put their hand up.

[00:07:12] And I think, okay, the stigma can be worked with. And I think that you've suffered enough if you're experiencing burnout now. And one small act of bravery on your part will put you in the solution. Cause burnout recovery is, at least initially, about relieving shame, embarrassment, anger, anxiety, depressive thinking, and all the other unpleasant feelings that come along when you're in burnout.

[00:07:40] And speaking for me, I will not judge you. All I really want to do is support people back to a good place. I'm a burnout coach because I've been through burnout. That's how I know you can. For the record, I believe in you completely already. Even sight unseen, I believe in you, no matter what you're going through.

[00:08:03] You're a great human. Let's get you back to power. Okay. Here's another one. I don't think what's happening to me is curable. And I understand why you might think that. You've probably tried a lot of things to fix your burnout before now and none of them have worked. And a lot of people have, who come to me, have tried many things.

[00:08:22] But here's the only thing I can say really about that is, I run a step by step program that's proven to work in burnout recovery, and I've been doing this for six plus years, and every client I take on, I guarantee recovery to them. There's another one, it won't work in my industry. This program that I run supports executives, leaders, and professionals in any industry, because really burnout's an inside job.

[00:08:51] It's curable in you, regardless of the conditions you work under in your job or in your industry. Or even if you're off work at the present time, you can still recover from burnout. I'm in burnout because my industry or my boss or my company or my job sucks. There may very well be a lot of truth in that.

[00:09:13] Workplaces do have a lot to answer for these days. And the turnaround, where it's happening, is a little bit slow. And I understand that a lot of people are under palpably increasing pressure over the days and weeks and months and years of their job. And also pervasive high levels of stress in other people in the workplace compound one's own burnout issues, right?

[00:09:38] Because anxiety responds to anxiety. Stress and pressure respond to stress and pressure. But don't worry, as I said a minute ago, recovery cultivates change in you. It creates a strong charge of positive energy, confidence, and self belief in you that allows you to operate at a much higher level of resilience, way above your previous best.

[00:10:05] And in this way, success does not require your external circumstances to change, no matter how dire they are for you right now. Because really, this program is transformational. It's not, let's have a chat. It's not, let's learn a couple of skills. It's not, let's do a bunch of assessments. It transforms the way that you are in your workplace, the way that you are, not the way the workplace is.

[00:10:31] And really what you will find in recovery is, You're going to become a new person, able to surf the waves of challenges at work, not drown in them. Here's another one I sometimes get, I don't want to waste my time and money. This is really an expression of, I don't think it's going to work for me. Comes out as, I don't want to waste my time and money.

[00:10:52] With this program, you won't. I assess each of my potential clients to make sure they will succeed, to make sure I can help them. So I don't make an offer of help to anyone unless I can promise recovery to them. So if you're a professional, you've basically got all the right attributes already, and you're going to do fine in the burnout recovery program.

[00:11:16] So the follow up question to that is, okay what if it doesn't work for me? I'm going to say the same thing. You're a professional. It will. And basically, if you find it difficult to imagine, that's okay. I can lead you through that. If you find it difficult to get the motivation and commitment and belief and the will to succeed, I can support you in that too.

[00:11:39] And I will support you in your progress every step of the way because it's a personal one on one program and I'm committed to it, to helping you reach your goal. That's my only job. You tell me what your goal is and I support you on the way to get there.

[00:11:54] Oh, here's another very common one. My company gave me coaching, executive coaching, professional coaching or HR coaching to fix burnout. And we did some new team building workshops, but none of it worked.

[00:12:08] Okay. Yes. A lot of it doesn't work. I'm sure those people would have been very well intentioned, but honestly, most of the things touted to fix burnout don't work either because they're superficial, or because they're mandated, targeting results for the company over relief for you. Or, worse, because the people who run executive and professional coaching programs often don't know how to fix burnout themselves. Because things like flexible work hours, work from home, leave and holidays, group lunches, feedback sessions, EI assessments, performance plans, and so on, don't work to fix burnout.

[00:12:53] Mostly they don't work because they're Band Aids or because they're not addressing the problem at all. They don't create psychological safety, nor sustainable change that yields genuine resilience. And I think that for me, in my program, genuine burnout recovery resolves the underlying causes of burnout that you personally experience so that they don't recur.

[00:13:20] So for people that I support out of burnout, I would expect that they never need to go back into burnout for the rest of their career, even though burnout is typically cyclical and degenerative. It does recur and it gets worse in most people, but that's what I'm trying to address here in burnout recovery.

[00:13:39] It needs to be sustainable. Not just you feel better this week and lousy again in a month's time. And also each person is different. Each person will have different contributory causes to their burnout. When I do a one on one coaching program, what I'm doing is listening for the contributory causes for you and addressing those particular difficulties that you may have that are causing this burnout experience for you,

[00:14:03] independently of your workplace. So if you change jobs because you're in burnout, you'll probably get burnout in your new job if you don't do anything else than that. So you'll know burnout recovery is working when you start feeling energized, optimistic, powerful, relaxed, creative, social. When you stop dreading work and start having great ideas about what you can do once you're at work in the morning.

[00:14:29] And when you've got that, what you've really got is a permanent burnout solution that protects you for the rest of your career. And that's the result I aim for with my clients. A transformation that lasts for the rest of their working life and is as effective outside work as it is in work.

[00:14:46] And for some people that sounds a bit far fetched because they don't really understand the dynamics of burnout. But if you yourself understood what creates burnout, step by step what creates burnout, then you would know how to reverse out. And I do know that and I do know how to reverse it out for you.

[00:15:01] So maybe you've been saying to yourself I don't know who can help me. Today, perhaps you might have a bit of wiggle room in that idea. Here's what I would suggest. If you don't know if you've got burnout or if you can recover from burnout, or if you and I would be a good fit, or if I can help you, go and sign up for a free appointment to talk to me.

[00:15:20] Then you can come and tell me what's pissing you off, and we'll make a personal plan for you to fix it. And then if you like that plan, I'm your man, I can help you. And you can do that at DexRandall.com. If some of that has piqued your interest today, you can have a little review of it. In my summary I wrote a blog article called The Seven Deadly Sins of Burnout. And you can see that in the show notes. See if you identify with it. I've also added a couple more podcast episodes in there about who gets burnout, why they get it, and how to make sure you recover.

[00:15:53] How to make sure you're a good candidate for recovery. In the show notes, I've also put a few of my clients results and their reviews. I'm going to let them tell you for themselves what burnout recovery is and if you are in burnout, please come and talk to me about how to recover quickly and sustainably and get back to your best performance, leadership, success, and most of all enjoyment inside working out.

[00:16:18] As I said, you can book an appointment. Go to DexRandall. com. Please do help me reach other people who are in or near burnout by rating and reviewing this podcast episode if you enjoyed it today. I truly do appreciate your support. And if you know somebody else who's heading towards or in burnout, please send them the podcast link because it's packed, every week with practical tips for burnout recovery.

[00:16:45] And I do recommend that new people listen to the first five episodes to get started. Thank you so much for joining me today. I hope you enjoyed your listening. Take courage, my friends.