Ep#53 What Becomes Possible

Hi everyone. My name's Dex Randall, and this is the Burnout to Leadership Podcast where I teach professional men to recover from burnout and get back to passion and reward at will. Hello my friends. This is Dex once again. We are in for a rip snorter episode this week. If I say so myself, it's because after I spoke with another coach this morning who's been stuck in building their business, wanted a few tips, the practical steps that I shared with her that you too can use, to create big change in your life are just the techniques I use in my own life, in my own business, and with my clients too. Same really. So anyone who wants to grow, it's the same process and I'm in a big growth phase myself right now. I've probably mentioned this with series two, so I thought it was very pertinent that I cover this ground, so keep listening if you wanna create better results for yourself at work or financially or in your personal life, but it's not really happening. So I'll share with you what works in a moment. Now, I've just started series two of my podcast and it's really about a deep dive reinvention of the self. This is an advanced topic, so it's for people who are already on their way outta burnout and have set their sights on bigger goals. So if you are kind of newly in burnout right now, I really recommend you go back and listen from the beginning of series one, because the first few episodes there are about how to recognize you're in burnout and how to start your recovery journey. Series one is jam packed with practical tips to tackle the various difficulties of burnout, such as stress, exhaustion, overwork, overwhelm, anxiety, perfectionism, anger, shame, and so on. And all of those episodes are the ones you need to start recovering from burnout now. And of course, if you listen to them and you need more help, go to dexrandall.com, D E X R A N D A L L.com and book in a time to come and talk to me about your burnout, and we'll make a plan to fix it on that call, I'm gonna help you all the way I can. So back to those people who are out of the thick of burnout. Today's episode is how to boost yourself onto the next level. And I'll just refresh for a minute on the first episode in series two of the podcast, it's where my current personal and business reinvention began necessarily with a burn down of what existed before. Because otherwise what is reinvention? So I recommend you listen to series two episode one to set the scene. And I talk about when I came to a moment in my personal and business life this year, which is five years after my own burnout experience in 2017, I've been kind of knocking up against my own limitations lately and I realized I need to free myself up to free my mind up to go to the next level. So series two is reinvention, and today, let's just return to my coach friend I was talking to earlier on who's kind of at the beginning of her coaching business development. And when she came on a call with me, earlier yesterday morning, it was now she needed to earn $25,000 in the next three weeks to remain qualified to be a member of a business mastermind she just joined. But with that impending deadline, she actually felt like she was pressuring herself. Sounds familiar. She'd kind of been hustling for money but it hadn't really worked, and she was feeling a little bit antsy and doomed. So the first thing she said to me was that she tried everything and it hadn't worked. And if you've ever had that thought, you might relate to what a kiss of death thought that it is, to achieving anything new. It's really slamming the door in the face of possibility. And it might happen a bit like this. You've got a dead deadline, you've got target, the deadline's approaching, and you're not making any perceivable progress. Possibly you're still making some half hearted attempts to do the right thing, but you know, air quotes that it won't work, which indeed then it doesn't. And even if the exact same strategy worked for you before it worked, before you put yourself under pressure, once you put yourself under pressure, it stops working. Because when you tell yourself you tried everything, your subconscious mind believes you, when you declare that it's not working well, then it doesn't work. So why? Well, you are working from a paradigm of not working. Your mind really already knows. It's very good at arguing for why things won't work. It's very practised at it. It has all the barriers lined up like ducks in a row of why you won't achieve your target, and therefore why you should give up immediately to avoid pain later when you inevitably fail. So the mind is trying to protect you from future failure by having you fail right away. It tells you you can't pull off this new trick, and it presents all the past evidence of failure to convince you of that. And it doesn't matter how many times our mind pulls this trick on us, we fall for it every time, don't we? Until one day we don't. So we've been disciples of this full stop thinking is what another way I kind of see it because we see how painful it would be to try the thing and fall flat on our nose, probably in public, maybe involving loss of face, loss of money, credibility, loss of affection or approval. And we seriously do not want to feel embarrassment, frustration, irritation, confusion, doubt, humiliation, fear, overwhelm and shame, especially shame, right? So we heave this big sigh of relief. We keep ineffectively, kind of butting heads with our goal for a little while, but really it's just for show now so that we can say that we tried and then we quietly back away and park it in the too hard basket and never look at it again. Really notice one thing. If you are having a bunch of negative thoughts about creating something new in your life, apart from the standard kind of standard issue, human resistance to change. That's our primary instinct. When we want to create change, we only look why it can't be done, why we shouldn't even try. We're usually completely blind to anything we've achieved before that makes us likely to succeed in this new thing. We don't tell ourselves the positive story because it's in our blind spot. We've got this confirmation bias and our minds are really only looking for stories that prove its hypothesis. In this case that we can't do it. That paradigm's pretty worn out. It was never gonna work anyway. Staying safe, won't get a shit, won't get us what we want. So how can telling ourselves we can't do something ever create success. For example, earning $25,000 from coaching in three weeks. What would happen if you simply did whatever had worked in the past to engage and attract clients if you've ever sold so much as 5 minutes of your coaching time? That's proof right there. And in passing, of course, since we love to rehash our own tried and tested thoughts and feelings, we should mention that anxiety and stress are both habitual and addictive. Now, old Familiars with this short term payoff, we escape an emotion we don't want, combined with long term pain. We don't get the result that we'd like. So when we're in those kind of anxiety and stress cycles, we know where we are. It's familiar, we know who we are, but we're in the familiar grip of this thread bear story of failure. Marianne Williamson, I draw to your attention. "Now, our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It's our light, not our darkness that most frightens us." We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous. Well actually who are you not to be? You're a child of God. Your playing small, does not serve the world. But really even in the face of that, most of us are still giving, playing small, a really red hot go, aren't we? And of course I'm not immune to this, that's why I'm laughing. Hence, there is two of this podcast where I choose reinvention. I choose to push past my limitations and of course I myself receive coaching to achieve this. 'Cause I need to have my worn out old thoughts pointed out to me just like anyone else. God bless my courageous coach for doing it. So, okay, let's get to the guts it. How do we discard old limiting thoughts and let in some nice fresh ones to move us to greater power, freedom, success, and joy? Well, glad you asked. I'm gonna give you 5 steps because I like steps. I like to be methodical. Good old me, eh? So first step, step number one, stop believing your thoughts that you can't do it. Those thoughts are still gonna come up. Your inner critic is gonna serve them to you. We just don't believe them anymore. Just listen to them go. Yeah, I don't believe that anymore. Because we can't create a better future result by telling ourselves the reasons it won't work. We have to let go of that comfortable for story. And each time we tell ourselves an old limiting belief, we strengthen our investment in the truth of it for us. So it's time to admit that we simply don't know what's possible for us. And then we just agree to stop telling ourselves it's impossible and stop believing that it's impossible. And our minds work in the present tense. So if we tell ourselves we can't do something, our mind takes that as an instruction not to be able to do that thing. So be wise, which thoughts you have on high rotation in your mind at least decide that I used to be a person who couldn't do otherwise. The future you create with these recycled thoughts is gonna be limited to matching the achievements you've made in the past. And I think that's probably not your plan. So step one, stop telling yourself you can't do it. Step two of my gleeful steps is choose to open your mind like a child's. Choose to believe that something new is possible even if you don't know how. And this is really crucial that you do this. So it's like just like a six year old child playing with some pink fluffy dragon in an adventure that's completely real to that child. See if you can remember any of your own fantastical stories from your own childhood and how completely immersed you were in that world. This is children we all used to believe in magic. So fine. Let's believe in magic again. Now, why not? 'Cause here's the truth of how the world works. The magic is still available. It's available as luck, chance, synchronicity, serendipity, karma, God's will, the universal energy, whatever you wanna call it, it's still available. We still have evidence that it's available in the world. But what we did do is we trained ourselves to think like adults and forget about the magic. No. We actually need to start believing beyond our logical mind. Because our logical mind only looks at the past. It only looks for concrete evidence. That's all it's searching for. And it's got a very tiny little library of thoughts and information from our personal path about what's possible for us. And it's serving that up as how our future's gonna look as well. The universal energy, on the other hand, has limitless possibility from everything that has ever been or could ever be. So think about the odds, which one's likely to come up with the answer. So step two, be in child mind where all things are possible. Step three, as my new friend Mark the whiskey distiller said this morning when he has a plan but lacks the means to make it happen, he deepens his connection with all the details of the plan. He paints the picture, he makes it real for him. And the example he gave is he knew the type of property he needed to build his distillery on, the landscape, the climate, the building, and he simply envisaged it. He saw it in his mind, and then he looked out in the world for a property that fit that brief, and it needed to be on the edge of a peat bog in Australia, which severely limits his options, I would've thought. Anyway, he found one, but it wasn't for sale. So he contacted them, and asked them if they would sell it. They would. Then he didn't have any money, so he put together a video offer on social media to find an investor with a five year buyback option. And he got the reply that he wanted within 10 minutes and bought the property. So he calls this method the Department of Unusual Solutions, which I love to pieces. A bit Luke Skywalker. But the method he uses is the exact same method that I use only, I call it emitting possibility. I believe that something will happen. I just have no idea how, So I emit possibility to the world that a solution can come back. I can't conceive of the solution and I don't need to. I just see my vision for the future, and I engage passionately with that vision, and then I offer up the question and I let go of how it's gonna be solved. So how to do this really is to free your mind on purpose in the not knowing. Let it be in the not knowing. And this goes against the grain for most of us. Just let your mind be in free fall and receive whatever comes back, be in the future unknown, is that's the only place a solution can come from, and the universe is much better resourced to supply and deliver that solution from the limitless of possibilities it has than you are from your tiny limited past experience. If you can let go in full confidence that the answer will come, if you remain in full delighted belief in your dream, your plan, your goal, the answer will come. Generally speaking, right outta left field from this department of unusual solutions, which I find so charming. I mean, it turns out to be the next door neighbors, I don't know, best friends, cats rumour or something like that, So let go of your own tiny resources and open the field of play to the unlimited. It turns out to be the safety blanket, the soft landing that you wanted in the first place. So step three, open your mind to the unlimited ways the problem might be solved. And step four, make a commitment to yourself to be the future you, the one who's already achieved this success that you are envisaging right now. Be that right now every day, be that person in that positive energy, enjoying your success immensely. Now, before you get it in the real world, you just make your decisions from that energy, from that place, and you take action from that joy. Remember, your brain works in the present tense and your brain takes your thoughts as instructions and creates whatever you're thinking. So if all your thoughts reflect the future in the present tense, you are creating ideal conditions for the world to catch up with you and make it so, the manifestation of who you are being will arrive. Now, of course, I never want you to take my word for anything. I would much, much rather you create your own direct experience of this. So take note, when you generate and live in this success energy, your energetically more open, generous and attractive to other people, your energy is more attractive. So try this as an experiment. See if you can create your own direct experience. Get in success, certainty, energy first. Believe in your vision. Believe it will happen somehow. Then communicate with others from the joy of that success, from not needing anything more. And just see what happens. See what changes for you. So step four, be the successful future you now, and step five isn't a real step, it's just a reminder of step one, let go your addiction to thoughts of why it can't be done. They'll bounce back. Once you've had your great moment of clarity, they'll, your old thoughts won't disappear because they're habitual. Your mind is trained to go there all the time and warn you about what could go wrong. But look how invested you are in the impossibility of creating your dream. It asks nothing for you if you stay in that impossibility. It's a pre fail. So denying your dreams is quite tempting back door to having to take action and make something work. It's kind of a lazy way out and it seems kind of seductive because of that. But then also look at the cost of not going for your dreams, of not asking yourself to grow and create anything new because where does that hit you? It hits me right in my soul. I feel like I've failed to honor myself. I haven't cared enough about myself and my dreams to do the important thing to be the full me. I've basically stood myself up. It's how I see it. And that's what Series two of this podcast is about, being more me, showing more of my real self to the world, taking hold of this whole mess of me and shaking out the dust like a rug out the window. And I invite you onto the same journey, one life. Who are we to stay small? What exactly is curling up in a tight ball doing for us? I mean, it's not even protective really. Is it? So beyond to yourself, stop entertaining your thoughts that you can't do it. Just stop giving the airtime. Don't indulge in negativity. Don't believe those thoughts don't dwell there, each time negative thoughts come, remind yourself of who you are being now, this future you that you are being now and attracting from that energy. You're the one who lives the life that you came here for. You can retrain the puppy of your brain, choose that, you can succeed, I promise. Just emit possibility that the future will occur as you'd like it to from love. So that's a kind of probably off the wall lesson for some of you. I really hope you've taken in some of that and it's very, very simple to practice. So don't tell yourself you can't do this. Just follow steps one to five. Listen again if you have to. And you'll find yourself in this future mindset where things become possible. So thank you so much for being here today. I am glad you were listening and I appreciate you. If you're in burnout, listen for the link at the end. You must come and talk to me about how to recover quickly and sustainably, get back to your best performance in leadership. Most of all, your enjoyment inside work and out. And by the way, I would love for you to rate my podcast if you like what you hear. Thanks very much. Catch you next time. If you're in burnout and ready to recover, come and join my Burnout to Leadership program, you can book in to talk with me on burnout.dexrandall.com, just tell me what's bugging you and let's make a plan to fix it.