Ep#223 The worst mistake leaders make on bad days
===

[00:00:00] Hi everyone. My name's Dex Randall, and this is the Burnout to Leadership Podcast where I teach professionals to recover from burnout and get back to passion and reward at work.

[00:00:22] Hello, my friends, and I have a question to start today. Who are you? How accurately and completely do you understand yourself? Because for many people the answer is disturbingly vague. So listen on, because I'm going to invite you in a minute to rate the traits of your own personality and what they might mean for you at work and at home.

[00:00:47] The way you understand yourself springs from things like your values, your idealized self, your cultural identity, your beliefs and behaviors, and your life experience. And for flavor, I think add in your passions. But the reason that such a thing as a 360 review is that other people might not agree with your self perception. And that's when the fight started, right?

[00:01:13] So in the corporate world, I see HR and coaches using personality, performance, and mental health assessments. You might know Myers Briggs, DISC or Clifton Strengths. They love it as a way to rate professionals on their aptitude, potential, and fit for a team. So let's take an example today of OCEAN Scores, which I'm really hearing more about lately.

[00:01:39] You self-rate on the supposed Big Five traits of Openness, Conscientiousness, Extroversion, Agreeableness, and Neuroticism, in order to understand how those traits express in you, to distort or elevate your contribution at work. So leverage, they can be an agent for change to help you become a better leader, a better performer, a more resilient and powerful influence.

[00:02:14] Make sense? So to be clear, I rarely recommend this type of self-assessment. In my view, any labeling tool that tries to put us in this box or that box is inherently biased and judgmental, playing to statistical modeling, human duality and flattening out individual nuance. Also because people could weaponize it against themselves or each other.

[00:02:42] Last night, for context, I heard a 92-year-old indigenous man singing in his own language with great dignity. He is the last living speaker of that language. Imagine asking him to test his OCEAN score. How could it begin to capture who this man is? It's like trying to catch a rainbow in a butterfly net!

[00:03:06] Much like our DNA, I think our personality expresses our potential or predisposition, whereas epigenetics, the environmental or circumstantial cues, influence actual outcomes.

[00:03:23] Naturally I processed my own OCEAN score out of curiosity, and also in the process of putting this together today. And then I wondered how OCEAN scores change over a lifetime. As we spiritually evolve, develop our passions and expertise, build a career and a family, take care of those less well off, and allow maturity to perhaps soften our edges.

[00:03:52] Maybe that's not the path. Maybe we could just burn out at work, limiting our potential for freethinking, earthy connection, artistry, and inspirational leadership.

[00:04:04] It's worth noting in the OCEAN system that high scores mostly indicate more of the preferred characteristics. More open, more conscientious, more extrovert, more agreeable. Pity the poor introvert, I say, losing points. High score in neuroticism, the last of the five traits, is obviously reversed. It's to be avoided.

[00:04:31] I might have lied on the statements related to that trait myself! If asked during my burnout in 2017, for example, shame would for sure have skewed my score as I answered the questions.

[00:04:43] If you've seen the OCEAN test "agree and disagree" propositions, they're pretty interesting. There are some leading statements like "I get chores done right away", and "I have a kind word for everyone".

[00:04:58] The instructions advise to base your ratings on how you really are, not how you would like to be. Fat chance! As if we are capable or willing to be that objective.

[00:05:12] But on the plus side, if the science backing this assessment is solid, which I understand that it is, then seeing the scores that we get might help us adapt our MO to create more desirable results for ourselves in and out of work.

[00:05:27] As you listen, please do not imagine that you could or should try to become a better person. The you that you are right now is fine and cannot be improved by straining to become "your best self". One of the key practices, I think, of burnout prevention or recovery is accepting the full wonder of you, as you are.

[00:05:52] Be cause self-rejection does not produce joy.

[00:05:56] However, that said, if you're a leader today under the pump, having a rough time with stress, conflict, exhaustion, maybe results that don't demonstrate your competence fully, then you can use these insights to adjust your course.

[00:06:13] So, okay, let's get practical.

[00:06:15] Here's what I'm reflecting on, and perhaps you'll join me in this inquiry?

[00:06:19] When I'm stressed and depleted, how are my personal traits skewing my behavior, versus when I'm energized and happy? Because that's really the same person, with a different nervous system state, who's gonna then be a completely different leader.

[00:06:38] And in case you're dying to know my OCEAN scores are Openness 79, Conscientiousness 67, Extroversion 37, Agreeableness 75, Neuroticism 58. That's probably underplaying it. Perhaps if I'd taken that same test right after I'd been surfing, the answers would be quite different.

[00:07:01] You can test yourself on OCEAN scores via the link in the show note, if you would like.

[00:07:07] Half a million people have done that in the last 30 days. That's how addicted we are to these tests.

[00:07:13] But if our behavior is as much driven by mood and energy as traits, let's, as an exercise now, just quickly look at both.

[00:07:25] Big five traits, again, are Openness, Conscientiousness, Extroversion, Agreeableness, and Neuroticism.

[00:07:33] And we'll go through each one together.

[00:07:36] So think about this as you listen: How you'd rate yourself on each trait in general. Then how do you express that trait on your best day when you're energized and happy, versus on your worst days when you're exhausted and over it.

[00:07:52] Let's take a look. I'll talk you through it.

[00:07:54] Number one trait: Openness. If you're resourced, you might be curious, strategic, a big picture thinker. You might see opportunities, connect dots and innovate. You might want to collaborate with new people or new ideas without feeling any threat. On a day when you are depleted, though, it might feel a bit more guarded, closed, retreating to "this is the way we've always done things". You might feel a bit threatened by change or argument. Innovation might feel insanely risky rather than possible and doable. And (this is one that describes me I'm afraid) you might risk a sense of humor failure.

[00:08:37] So what might that mean for you at work? Well, if you are high scoring or resourced or both, you might lead transformation, inspire and champion your team. Whereas if you're depleted or low scoring, you might block transformation, shut your team down thinking you're being sensible. And at home, if you are resourced in openness, you might be playful and interested, but if you're depleted in openness, you might be a bit checked out, low tolerance for anything unfamiliar.

[00:09:08] So how did you go so far? Could you rate yourself on those? I'd be very keen to hear.

[00:09:14] Number two trait: Conscientiousness. If you are high scoring and/or resourced, you will be focused, decisive, getting the right things done. You'll have clear priorities, clean execution, and you'll handle road bumps. In effect, you'll have high standards without over control. But if you're low scoring or depleted, you might be busy, but not very effective.

[00:09:40] Procrastination or perfectionism might step in, and those two have the same kind of fearful root, even though they're different behaviors. You might micromanage, criticize or avoid people.

[00:09:53] So at work, if you're resourced or high scoring, most likely you'll be a reliable and trusted professional. Whereas depleted, you might be either overwhelmed or controlling, neither of which is particularly easy to work with. At home, if your resourced, you'll be probably present, helpful, engaged, whereas depleted mentally, you're probably still at work, distracted or irritated by small things.

[00:10:21] So how's this sitting with you?

[00:10:23] Can you relate to any of this? Please let me know your thoughts, if you will.

[00:10:27] Trait number three: Extroversion. Are you an extrovert or an introvert, or does it depend? Despite the public bias and indeed the bias in the OCEAN scoring itself, I dispute that one is better than the other. If you don't agree, watch Susan Cain's Ted Talk. I'll put it in the show notes.

[00:10:47] So extroversion. If you are high scoring or resourced or both, you'll be engaged, influential, energizing to be around. You'll centre yourself, speaking persuasively with conviction. You'll build momentum in teams through your own energy. If you're low scoring or depleted, you'll be more withdrawn, a little bit more performative, just nodding at everything and either avoidant, or loud but hollow. Social interaction will drain you instead of fuel you.

[00:11:22] So at work, if you're high scoring or resourced, people will naturally lean in. If you are depleted or low scoring, people will feel the distance or sometimes pressure. At home, if you're resourced, you'll be warm and available. If you are depleted, you'll be in that withdrawing, "I've got nothing left" energy.

[00:11:42] Number four trait: is Agreeableness. When we are resourced in that we are a bit more collaborative, fair, strong on relationship building. We can say a constructive no without guilt or offense, and we're balanced, kind, straightforward, genuine, and boundaried. When we're a bit depleted, though, we are more likely to be people pleasing or conflict avoidant, maybe impatient, a bit blunt, low empathy and resentment quite often builds quietly.

[00:12:15] So at work, if we are resourced in this, we'll be respected and trusted. If we are depleted, we'll either be walked over or avoided. And at home, if we're resourced, we'll be connected, present, generous. But if we are depleted, we'll have a short fuse or be emotionally withdrawn.

[00:12:35] Five: Neuroticism. Essentially this is measuring emotional stability. If you score low on neuroticism, that's obviously favorable according to their scoring system. You'll tend towards being calm, grounded, and you'll respond, not react. You can handle pressure evenly without spiraling, and you can think clearly under stress. If you are high scoring in neuroticism or you are feeling depleted, you're more likely to be overthinking, second guessing, anxious and withdrawn. Reactive, defensive, easily triggered. And small issues feel big and big issues feel overwhelming.

[00:13:21] So at work, if you are resourced or low scoring, you'll be steady in your leadership. But if you are depleted or high scoring, there'll be volatility even if you're trying to hide it.

[00:13:34] At home, you'll be a safe presence. People can speak freely with you, but if you're depleted, tension in the room, even if nothing is sad.

[00:13:46] So that's another angle on OCEAN scores and mood or energy state. Some of that might have hit home for you, some of it not. Maybe the whole idea has no real relevance to you.

[00:13:59] But as I said, anything about the OCEAN scoring or personality tests are a bird's eye view, much more than defining who you actually are. I've played devil's advocate here, but, by this personality test or any other, understanding your own MO can help you shift gears, to appreciate talents you have more, and adjust any fear-based reactions.

[00:14:25] This is especially true in today's high pressure work environment where chronic stress, coupled with low job security, wreak havoc on the hardiest souls, and especially ironically, our best trained, most talented, most dedicated professionals who are often little bit sensitive souls on the inside. I was thinking just now about how I am in the world now in 2026, versus what was happening for me back in 2017 as I burned out.

[00:14:58] Because then, as a leader, under maximum pressure, I wouldn't have wanted to take a personality test at all. Thank you very much. And many leaders come to me with the same burden of self-judgment and self-criticism, underscored by fear, shame, withdrawal, and despair. Some flavor of imposter syndrome.

[00:15:19] If you think about it, as I do, this is a tragedy. We are losing our highest potential, big hearted leaders into a sort of hardened shut down version of themselves under pressure, on the run from blame and hurt.

[00:15:36] And still they drive themselves to become this mythical "best version of themselves", to please the system more than anything. This idea is, I think, self aggression. The best version of yourself is a self aggression. It gives the true self very little credit for its native goodness. ' Cause the leaders I meet under duress, as anxious and upset as they may be, are always good people. Strong work ethic, high personal standards, great contributors with big hearts.

[00:16:11] So I'm begging you, if you are listening and worrying about your own personality, behaviors or whatever, please don't think you need fixing just because you suffer or struggle, particularly at work in high pressure workplaces.

[00:16:26] What you might need, of course, is to stop running your career in such a depleted state. It's a pretty big ask. ' cause your best traits are still there, buried deep inside you. They just don't really show up when your system is cooked, overworked, overstrained.

[00:16:45] So here's a question: Let's look back and think. Alright, you answered some of those questions for yourself in your head, perhaps. Which version of you is running your work right now?

[00:16:57] If you're resourced, how does that uplift your results, your enthusiasm, your engagement? And if you're depleted, what does that version cost you in performance, relationships, status, vitality, and reward?

[00:17:14] And what would change then, if your resource self was the default, not the exception?

[00:17:21] In my view, high performers don't flame out because they're weak, deficient, or bad. Not at all. They burn out because they've been performing from their depleted persona for too long, and that's not sustainable for them or anyone around them.

[00:17:36] I believe in you, your skills, intelligence, good heart and desire to contribute. Returning consciously to that authentic you will open the floodgates of your best energy. Calm, resourced, productive, go-getting, sense of humor intact.

[00:17:59] And if that sounds like you, I can guide you there if you like. Your inherent goodness is why the coaching program I run is the catalyst for a better life, bigger success, more enjoyment of your people and your work.

[00:18:14] It's how you'll evolve your leadership performance. ' cause if you're overstressed and depleted, it's the soothing balm that you need. Refocusing on your intrinsic worth, developing expansive skills from that worth, without second guessing yourself.

[00:18:32] Your personality is fine. Work with it, not against it.

[00:18:38] It is the epigenetic flow of positive energy from within that will spark your naturally high performing professional DNA.

[00:18:48] Who knows? It might also increase your OCEAN scores!

[00:18:52] So if you want to try it, come and talk with me. Let's make a plan for you to excel. The coaching link is in the show notes, and I thank you so much for listening today.