[00:00:00] Hi everyone, my name's Dex Randall, and this is the Burnout to Leadership podcast, where I teach professional men to recover from burnout and get back to passion and reward at work.

[00:00:22] Hello my friends, this is Dex and welcome to this week's episode on how to survive life's crises when everything goes wrong. And I'm writing this because in the depths of burnout, when you're feeling exhausted, aggravated, depleted, it can seem like the world is against you. Not just at work, but at home and in other areas of your life.

[00:00:45] And just when you think it can't get any worse, the kids get sick, or the car breaks down, or the boss has a big public rant at you, or your kitchen pipes burst. And, fine, on the scheme of war, famine and political mayhem, of course your string of disasters may have a low significance. But when you're at a low ebb, drowning emotionally with very little resilience, it can seem insurmountable.

[00:01:13] In particular, for those people who are in burnout, it's very common for work, career, home life, relationships, and so on, to all put the squeeze on you at the same time in a way that might dispose you to feel hopeless, helpless, a bit victim like perhaps, or doomed. You might have a lot of fear, anxiety, and dread.

[00:01:36] Probably mixed in with that a little bit of anger, or resentment, or self pity as well. And sadly, that whole parcel is quite normal in burnout. Burnout, I think, is a bit like depression in that way. You don't necessarily have the confidence in yourself to sort out all your difficulties, given the challenge you currently face of upping your game, getting more done, when you're worn out, pissed off, over it.

[00:02:05] And probably you're letting quite a bit slide already. So what we're going to look at today is a few realistic approaches that you can take, even when the tank's empty. In fact, especially when the tank's empty. And as Pema Chodron says in her book, When Things Fall Apart, which by the way, is a book that I do recommend for tough times.

[00:02:31] She says we don't need to make the pain go away or strive to be a better person. We can just give up control and let our ideas about what should be happening fall apart.

[00:02:45] Easier said than done sometimes. But this is a practice that we can cultivate and learn. And as you may know, I'm a pretty energy conscious being. Always have been. And when I was thinking about this, I was recalling a time when I had a very long journey to make on my motorbike. And I had the flu, and it was winter, and the rain was getting into my jacket, and I ran out of petrol on the motorway.

[00:03:10] Then the same day at home, my washing machine blew up. And personally, when I get a confluence of things like that going wrong, I tend to notice, Oh, here's another bundle of bad luck all at once, and I start wondering why. And generally it happens when I'm already very tired, pretty over it, probably in a bit of a bad mood.

[00:03:33] And my conflicted mind kind of pushes out all the wrong energy and I think it attracts or creates the conditions of confusion and disappointment. And then, oh yeah, sure enough, here it comes. The world aligns with my internal state a little bit. When I've dropped the ball, when I can't stay on top of it anymore, things around me tend to fall apart too.

[00:03:59] Maybe that happens for you. Maybe it doesn't. I do notice it doesn't happen so much for me these days because I've done a lot of work on myself in that area, but no life is immune. And this week when I was feeling pretty sick and I couldn't get good rest, and I had a lot of external appointments to get to, it caught up with me again, and frankly I did lose my sense of humour a little bit.

[00:04:22] You know what I'm saying, right? So, not to make light of your predicament if this is happening for you, but if you're in chaos right now and everything seems like it's going wrong, if you can, take a few deep breaths and just hit pause for a second on the frantic activity to fix things.

[00:04:42] Because all is not lost. You will get through this. And what's going to follow today is I'm going to give you 20 of my best tips that may help you soothe your nerves if this is happening for you right now. And when you're listening to them, just pick the ones that appeal. You don't have to do all of them.

[00:05:00] Or the ones which shake up your normal reaction and allow you to create a new experience for yourself. They just make a little extra space around you to breathe and make change, and to maybe have your presence show up to this chaos in a different way than normal that doesn't compound it further.

[00:05:23] So let's go right away. The first tip I have for you, number one, you're allowed to say no. I put this first for a reason. If you're overwhelmed by events, turn the tap off for a minute. Stop the inflow of new tasks and requests. I am deadly serious about this. Just do yourself a favor. Number two, you're allowed to stop.

[00:05:50] Even if you have critical meetings today, even if you have sick kids, not all the tasks you want to get done are in fact critical. Let some go. Seriously. Number three, take a day off if you need one. Because in these days where 66 percent of the workforce are experiencing burnout, you don't have to do it old style and keep soldiering on.

[00:06:15] You've got nothing to prove. If you don't take a break when you need one, you're quite likely to prolong your weakened and sick state. Your body actually knows when to call time on this. So if you can try to listen to it and do what it suggests. Help yourself out. Number four, decide to take care of other people differently.

[00:06:39] Many women particularly feel that it's their responsibility to take care of all the people all the time. Which I understand, but maybe today you can give yourself a moment. Maybe you can let people know that you won't be able to do all the normal things for them today. Perhaps even seek the emotional or practical support that you yourself need.

[00:07:03] Allow people to be there for you for a change. Reach out if you can. Number five, rest. Are you spotting a theme here? If your mind and body are overwhelmed, help it out, slow down. Everything has its natural cadence. Everything in life has its rhythm. You will have your up and your down cycle. So if you're in overwhelm, if you're in chaos, if it's all too much, breathe.

[00:07:29] Take a few deep breaths. Use a breathing exercise take at least three long, slow, deep breaths just to bring your mind down a little bit. From anxiety and panic. And see if you can drop some of your burdens. Just do nothing. Even for a minute, just stop checking your screens, your messages, all of that, just for a minute or two.

[00:07:51] Go within and breathe and be the support that you yourself need. Because let's face it, most of the time you're a super achiever. But even superheroes need a day off. Number six. Let your team at work, or socially or in your family know that you will not be taking meetings and calls and that you will be offline.

[00:08:15] Then don't answer calls or messages that come in. Don't even look. Turn off all your devices. Turn off your notifications, alarms, news, social media, the whole lot. Just give your mind a chance just to come down a peg or two. Really don't put your brain in the spin dryer. Give it a chance to recover. Create a little bit of space for the temperature to come down and the overwhelm to come down.

[00:08:42] Number seven . Find one or two things you're grateful for. No matter how hard that seems, it almost always brings relief. Because it counteracts this catastrophic black and white picture you've got of everything going wrong, for one thing. So try to feel grateful for something simple like breathing, like sunshine, trees and birds, your pet if you have one, being alive even, and the faculties that your body still does possess right now.

[00:09:14] Because you'd miss them if they weren't there, wouldn't you? Thank your heart, for example, for keeping you alive, and thank your brain for trying to protect you. Even though it's in overdrive right now. Although you might be miserable and worn out today, that is not permanent. Tomorrow, things might be, or simply seem, different.

[00:09:38] One of my go to's is, I'm thankful I'm not in prison. Because frankly, I wouldn't enjoy that. Also be thankful for the people you care about. For food, for shelter, for safety. There's always something you can be grateful for and gratefulness lifts the state of your physical being and your mind and your spirit together.

[00:09:59] So it's a gift to yourself to be grateful. You're not doing it as a duty or a discipline, you're doing it as a self support to relieve some of the tension, anxiety and pressure inside you.

[00:10:10] Number eight. Remember that the ebb and flow of life are unavoidable. My father used to tell me when I was a kid, if something bad happened, he would say, It's all part of life's rich tapestry. And it made me want to bop him one on the nose, even though he's over six foot. But the ebb and flow of life is unavoidable, it is.

[00:10:29] Everything has a season, everything has a rhythm, everything has a pace. And even if right now the tide is pretty strong in your day or in your life, if you can just trim your sails, save energy, weather the storm. As each of us has to at times. And remember that you're strong too. Even if the weather's strong, you also are strong, fundamentally.

[00:10:52] Number nine, and this applies to a lot of people in burnouts as well. If there is somebody you're fighting with, it won't last forever. Try to remember that a time will come when this episode will seem less painful to you. You can help yourself right now by not adding to your pain. By not adding any anger, blame, resentment or hatred to stoke the flames of your negative thoughts and negative feeling Rather focus on yourself.

[00:11:22] Focus on having compassion for yourself and giving yourself acceptance, love and care in your pain, just as you would to a hurt child. Just try and be there for yourself and focus on what you need. Number 10. If you're actually sick, be tender again and loving towards yourself. Send your body kind energy.

[00:11:49] It makes a difference. It's much better than anxious, stressed and punitive energy, self critical energy. Refrain from escalating your suffering by fighting the pain, by wishing it would go away, by criticizing yourself for being in it, or ruminating on it. Use this time instead to cultivate a gentle acceptance and a peaceful energy.

[00:12:14] Then you can yield this energy towards the healing process for you. Don't waste your energy now on negativity, it just compounds your suffering. Number 11. If you are gravely ill, Reflect on your spiritual strength or faith. Reflect on your heart. What is important to you now, truly? And who will you let into your heart?

[00:12:38] And who do you or have you cherished in this one precious life? Focus on the important things, the things that truly matter to you and see if that helps you to let some of this current turmoil, or suffering or pain, just release a tiny bit.

[00:12:58] Number 12. Use your heart and mind then as a refuge. Don't over focus on your problems. Notice what you still can do or can think that is useful. You can choose what your mind does. You can choose your thoughts. So if you hear a lot of self criticism and self blame, self judgment, you can snip those off and say, oh no, we don't do that right now.

[00:13:24] Right now is a time for being kind to myself. And offer yourself then kind thoughts. Gentle , supportive , encouraging thoughts. That's where you get to choose if you notice the self critic coming up. And if you can't find anything to love about the present moment, let your mind remember past joy or triumph.

[00:13:46] Let it dwell in a pleasant memory. And if you're in fear or anxiety, soothe your nervous system with breathing exercises or mindfulness meditation. It sounds difficult, but it isn't. You just have to do it. You just go, okay, I'll do it for one minute. And do it. No need to make a big deal, it doesn't have to be a half an hour session, you just do what you can.

[00:14:09] Access whatever you're able to that supports you. Number 13. Here's a good one. Try to drop your story about how terrible things are. Because is it empowering you? Is it making you feel better? Is it changing anything? Or does it in fact just deepen your suffering? If your worries are all about the future, what's going to happen shortly when all this comes to fruition,

[00:14:33] ask yourself, what's actually wrong right now in the present moment? And you can do this exercise using mindfulness meditation, resting in the now. Because quite often, there's not very much going on right now that you can't survive. It's all worry about the future, which, all those bad things may never happen anyway.

[00:14:53] Number 14. Especially drop any ideas of unfairness, resentment, victimhood, anger, bitterness, blame, being attacked or unsupported. Not because you don't deserve to be supported, but because this style of thinking will cause you even greater suffering. It's not supportive to you to dwell in those emotions, because really they just spread stress hormones in your body

[00:15:21] and compromise your ability to recover. At the same time, of course, don't blame yourself for your reaction. Just reach out gently, kindly to yourself with infinite compassion and love as much as you can possibly generate. Just this sadness for you and your suffering and offering yourself good wishes for that.

[00:15:44] Focus on giving yourself tenderness because you absolutely deserve that.

[00:15:51] Number 15. Within each crisis, lies the seed of growth. Nothing is what you think. You're fully capable of opening your heart to what is, letting it be, and letting go. Letting hardship uncover again your courageous heart. So really it's just a matter of, okay, what do you need to hear and understand here beyond the chaos?

[00:16:17] What's it possible to let go of for this moment? Because number 16, this too shall pass. You don't need to freak out, act out, bail out, resist, or shut down. You can just sit and be the quiet observer of yourself and your situation. Know that it's temporary. Know that you're already getting through it.

[00:16:43] And know that you are more than this experience.

[00:16:47] Number 17. Another reminder. Stop consuming social media and news while you're in this chaos and overwhelm. Don't stoke the fires of your discontent for no reason. And by the way, FOMO is not a good reason. 18. Nip your catastrophizing in the bud. So when we're in this overwhelmed state, this chaos state, normally we've got very black and white thinking.

[00:17:13] It leaps to the negative end of the spectrum. Catastrophizing is itself a feature of anxiety. Our brain goes postal, doesn't it? It tries to protect and avert threat. The thing is, mostly the thoughts that come up in anxiety, the anticipated bad thing, doesn't happen. Nowhere near that bad, usually. Most of the stuff our brain tells us it's worried about.

[00:17:39] They're not going to happen. We probably won't be penniless, homeless, lose our job. And if something bad does happen, will fretting endlessly about it first help? Because fundamentally, the nature of all life is uncertainty. Good things may happen as well as bad. You just don't know what's going to happen next.

[00:18:02] So try not to let your brain rehash your fears all day long. Don't fondle and nourish them. Don't fixate. Life is fluid. You simply don't know what will happen next. As much as you are able, let go and let God, whatever that means for you. Number 19, I've discussed this a lot in the podcast.

[00:18:24] You can look up other episodes about emotions, but number 19, feel your feelings. Don't believe your negative and fearful thinking, particularly if it's looping, but do allow and release the energy of your negative feelings that come up. Of course, if you feel mad, I don't recommend you unleash that on anyone else.

[00:18:42] That's not what I mean. But find a way to let off steam. Go to a place by yourself and snarl if you want. Run in the woods. Go to the gym and punch a bag. Or do some mindful meditation and let the emotion come up as waves in your body and then just release it. Because when you release that energy, the difficulties that you face will pass more quickly.

[00:19:04] It will ease your suffering. So just be sure you accept the emotion. The emotions are trying to tell you something's wrong and they're trying to serve you in that way. So don't outlaw them. It's okay for anybody to be angry, sad, defeated, ashamed, anxious, overwhelmed, depressed, helpless, afraid.

[00:19:27] Whatever the emotions are, it's okay to have them, but just let them pass through. Don't block them in your body and hold on to them. It's okay that I'm feeling anger right now. It's okay that I'm feeling shame right now.

[00:19:38] And let the waves of that emotion pass harmlessly through you, so they don't get blocked in your body, causing ongoing distress and disease. All emotions are natural. We've all got all of them. They're there to be heard, and felt and released. They're just a message. So really, this is something I teach a lot in burnout recovery because blocked emotions cause no end of trouble to our peace and well being and also our performance and ability to carry on each day.

[00:20:08] Going into battle with your own emotions is the same as going into battle with life. You can't actually win. So I don't recommend it. Whatever emotion you feel, allow the waves to pass through the body until it dissipates On the same theme, number 20. My final tip.

[00:20:25] Let go of control. The very thing you want most at this moment, probably. Don't try to hold it all together. Be real. Be present to the moment. The world can actually keep spinning without you for a moment. And a sense of control was always illusory anyway. No one knows which way the mop will flop. We can't predict the future.

[00:20:48] We don't know, and we can't manage our situation or other people to the level that would make us feel less anxiety. Anxiety is the true problem here. So we might as well breathe and relax and go quietly with the flow of whatever's happening and see what happens next. Be curious and open, be in the not knowing.

[00:21:10] Because what if relaxing itself allowed in a different experience? One that benefits you more. Probably it will just allow space there, where you can change the course of events for you because you can change the way that you show up in the world. You can be a better friend to yourself using one or more of these tips today.

[00:21:31] So I hope some of them will be useful to you and help you restore balance and create space in your heart and mind just to breathe and relax, pace yourself because you are strong enough to get through this. If they do help you slow down, breathe, stop fighting reality and accept what is, things are likely to go better for you and at minimum you won't compound either the problem or your own distress about it.

[00:22:00] So, with my blessings, that's what I have for you today, my friends. If you are in burnout, overwhelmed, too much stress, too often, come and talk to me for free and let's make a plan for you to recover quickly and sustainably from burnout and get back to your best performance, leadership, success, and most of all enjoyment inside working out.

[00:22:23] You can book an appointment at DexRandall. com. If you enjoyed this episode, please help me reach more people in burnout by rating and reviewing the podcast and sharing the podcast with your friends.

[00:22:35] Thank you so much for being here and listening today.