[00:00:00] Hi everyone, my name's Dex Randall, and this is the Burnout to Leadership podcast, where I teach professional men to recover from burnout and get back to passion and reward at work.

[00:00:22] Hello, my friends, this is Dex, joining you again for this week's episode and we're going to talk today about the myths of burnout. Because we do tell ourselves some real porky pies about things. Or maybe we believe what we read about burnout. And a lot of it is not entirely factual. And I'm talking about it today because I don't want you to fall into that trap

[00:00:45] because it could stop you curing burnout. Which would be a tragedy. Because burnout really impacts every aspect of life. You can't contain the damage inside work. It actually stops you being you. It's such an awful outcome. And I would love you to find the opportunity to thrive. In your work, in your life, in your body, and in your relationships.

[00:01:14] And if you are burning out right now, I want to remind you that joy is still available. Because in burnout, you're not going to believe that. But I'm here, post burnout, with access to joy. And also, burnout is not a natural state. It's not your destiny. Joy is available. Just hold that thought. So, myths of burnout.

[00:01:39] In case they are holding up your access to a better life. Let us investigate. So myth number one. If someone doesn't look like they're struggling, they're doing fine. Or if it's applying to yourself: if I don't tell anyone I'm struggling, I can hide it, I can save face. They'll never know. Really, I think a lot of this is about professional dignity and status.

[00:02:06] Some of it's about the man box, how we're supposed to be as men being able to manage everything, never showing our emotions, suppressing our emotions. In fact we quite often in burnout, we want to suppress our emotions because they are so painful. Our anxiety and our stress and our frustration and our anger and our resentment we try and hold all of those in.

[00:02:28] It doesn't work terribly well and what it does do is eclipse all of our positive emotions. So I can't support that as a strategy but it is one we use in burnout. We try and hide it. We try and keep ourselves together. We try and be the rock. We try and be the support for others, for our family, for everybody.

[00:02:46] But what really happens is, we tend to withdraw a little bit. We tend to reduce our communications, both because we're boiling over with negative emotion and because communication is painful. So we draw back from connections. And we try and manage the narrative at work, who we are at work.

[00:03:06] Yeah, I'm fine. Yeah, I'm good. I'm getting everything done. Yeah. Nothing's a problem. Yeah, of course I'll do that. We just keep speaking that way because this is essentially how we've been trained to be. We've been trained to cope or look as if we're coping or, get as far towards coping as we possibly can, because otherwise it affects our status.

[00:03:25] It affects our pride and it also affects what we might imagine to be our manliness. What happened to the broad shoulders or for women who feel they must take care of other people. It impacts on our sense of our work ethic and the expectations that we think other people have about us coping.

[00:03:47] So all of this really is. If we look like we're coping and we're not, all we're doing is masking distress. So if you sense that somebody who you're working with is struggling with overwork, anxiety, stress, and all of that, if they're struggling and you sense that they are trying to hide it, reach out to them, be a pal, listen to them without judgment, if you can.

[00:04:13] Find a way to help them feel safe, to express what's really happening for them, and just let off a bit of that pressure. So really what we're talking about here is, if you sense there is stigma in the workplace about burnout, or overwork, or stress, or anxiety, the way we reduce stigma is one to one, just by extending the hand of friendship.

[00:04:36] And then just listening. That's it. So if you can be a resource to somebody who's struggling, you can probably lighten their load for them. If you don't have that person for yourself, perhaps there is somebody, who you might trust to do that. Otherwise I'm here as a resource for you. That's one of my functions.

[00:04:54] So myth number one. Somebody doesn't look like they're struggling, or I'm not letting people know that I'm struggling.

[00:05:01] Myth number two, you should be able to fix burnout yourself. I think this is another way of saying that people in burnout are weak, or lazy, or somehow to blame. And quite frankly, we don't do blame around here. It's not your fault. I don't want you to create more suffering for yourself by blaming yourself.

[00:05:21] What we do around here is compassion and care and solution focusing. Burnout is an inside job, but that doesn't mean you can fix it yourself. If you have mental and physical habits that do not foster a well paced day where you're working confidently and achieving timely results without over strain, then yes, you're doing it the hard way.

[00:05:48] And yes, I recommend you change your habits. And I can help you with that. First of all, you'll need to change the way you think about your work self and develop a kinder, and gentler environment in which to change. Don't stick yourself in the acid bath of your own self criticism and lash yourself with discipline and hope that's going to motivate change because that's not how change happens.

[00:06:16] It's just adding another tight loop of aggression that's going to increase your pain. Okay, so you need to find a little shift in your MO by first of all finding yourself worthy of that shift. And worthy of recovery by being benevolent towards yourself. And that for most of us in burnout takes a big shift.

[00:06:36] It is probably one of the most fundamental shifts. You'll also be the last person to see how you contribute to the burnout you're experiencing. Because in your desperation, you will always justify overwork. Your inner critic's going to see anything less as giving up, failing more and letting people down.

[00:06:56] And by the way, it will be incorrect about that. I think you're a wonderful person and burnout recovery will really help you to connect more with that inside yourself. And that's going to be the pathway towards change for you. So myths of burnout number two, you should be able to fix burnout yourself.

[00:07:20] Number three, you should only seek help as a last resort.

[00:07:25] Burnout prevention is quicker, easier, and prevents more adverse consequences than burnout recovery. Let's secure the horse before it bolts. If you're in chronic stress, anxiety, overwork, overwhelm. If you are frozen, fearful, procrastinating, withdrawn. If you experience ongoing problems such as insomnia, headaches, pain, poor digestion, lethargy, low mood, irritation, loss of motivation, you're not well.

[00:07:57] If you dve pneumonia, would you ignore it? Your body is asking you for help with these symptoms. It's begging. Will you give it? And if you're afraid people will find out. Afraid of losing status or afraid of the stigma of burnout. Well, people surely will notice if you do nothing and deteriorate, if your burnout becomes worse.

[00:08:24] Actually, if you're burned out, others can already see your mood, energy and contribution flagging. They can tell that you're off your game, avoiding them. They're probably wondering why you're so snarly all the time and don't get stuff done like you said you would. There's much more stigma in losing your job or losing the confidence of your boss and team and those you serve, than being an adult and accepting that you're not omnipotent and sometimes need help, and that's okay.

[00:08:58] And by the way, if you do fear stigma of burnout, coaching is for you because it's 100 percent confidential. You don't need to tell a soul. Nobody needs to know. Although people will notice a huge change in you once you recover and become all smiley confidence again. So myth number three, you should only seek help as a last resort.

[00:09:23] Oh, here's a good one. Myth number four, this isn't real burnout. Interesting. If you're thinking that yourself, how do you know? What does real burnout look like? Is it getting warnings from your boss? Losing your job? Planning a career switch or retirement? Fighting with colleagues? Avoiding clients? Failing projects?

[00:09:44] Losing your partner? Being unable to get up in the morning? Being too angry and exhausted to focus? Taking, or wanting to take, medications to keep you going? Seeing an uptick in your addictive behaviours? What is it? What would it look like for you? If you really want to know what the typical symptoms of burnout are, listen to episode number one of the podcast called, What is Burnout?

[00:10:10] Maybe episodes two and three as well, really help you understand more about burnout and about whether you're in it and what you can do next. Better still, whether you're pre burnout or in burnout, come and talk to me for free and let's discuss the things at work that bother you and where you'd like to be with your work.

[00:10:31] And then if after talking, we can see that coaching will be helpful for you, we can map out how to get you to your personal goals. Simple. For some people, and of course, in some careers- anything relating to medicine topping the charts there, but with accounting, law, sales, consulting, entrepreneurship, academia, and many more hard on its heels-

[00:10:53] burnout is on the cards for a long time before it erupts. It's a slow burn. If you have a hard driven MO, high anxiety, a tendency to overwork, a never say no attitude, and a reluctance to seek help, then burnout may well be coming. It might even be career long and you haven't recognised that yet. Because that's what you're trained to expect in your role, right?

[00:11:22] That's how other people seem to you as well. But burnout is progressive. You will not avoid it by ducking and weaving. So I suggest you take a good hard look now and help yourself out. Myth number four. That isn't real burnout. Okay, number five. Fixing burnout is difficult or impossible. Well, if that's what you believe, then you're right.

[00:11:47] Because your belief that it's difficult or impossible will be the barrier to you accepting the help that you need and thereby recovering from burnout. You might even cite Google as proof of your belief. And I would understand that because most of what I read about burnout recovery was not true.

[00:12:03] Doesn't actually work. I agree with you. A lot of things don't work. My personal belief when I hit burnout was that I couldn't find anyone who knew how to help me fix it. And this was very distressing for me. But in the end, I actually did find a bit of help and I did a ton of deep research. Which, by the way, continues to this day.

[00:12:28] And I taught myself to recover. Turns out I can fix burnout. Not the standard way that everyone else does it. But my way, which actually worked. So what I did is, when I recovered from my own burnout, I started testing my method out on other burnt out people. And it worked for them too. So leave the door open a little bit, would be my suggestion, if you don't think it's curable.

[00:12:53] And find out for yourself. Because what I discovered, to my intense amazement, is that burnout recovery is a very predictable step by step process with excellent success rates, very close to a hundred percent. At the moment, you almost certainly have a set of behaviors that increase your stress, anxiety, overwork, overwhelm, exhaustion, frustration, self criticism, and all the other pain points of burnout.

[00:13:28] So I've developed a reliable tool set that will teach you to reverse those behaviours out and to introduce more supportive habits that will yield, and you may not believe this, but it's actually true, will yield ease, contentment, sufficiency, confidence, productivity and enjoyment. Actually what happens when you recover from burnout is you will like being you more.

[00:13:55] Ask me about it when you come and see me. It actually works so well that I guarantee results for people whose primary problem is burnout. And of course I do say primary because I'm not a therapist. If you have underlying serious mental health conditions that have not been successfully treated or managed, then burnout can be tougher to resolve.

[00:14:18] I don't mean normal anxiety, stress, bad temper or negative thinking, not the everyday struggles we all have, but I do think you know the difference. So I do suggest that you visit a therapist if you feel that it's more appropriate and helpful for you. And I will add that burnout coaching can work in tandem with therapy.

[00:14:40] Or it can be conducted afterwards. And by the way, if you are one of the very many people who've quote unquote tried everything, and received so called help, that didn't. Firstly, I'm sorry to even think how hard that must have been for you. And how little faith you may now have that burnout can be fixed.

[00:15:03] But still, burnout is not your destiny. You're worth far more than that. And I can help. Have a look at a few stories from my past clients. That might cheer you up. So, myth number five. Fixing burnout is difficult or impossible. I'm calling bullshit on that. You can do it. Number six. I'll fix burnout once this project's over.

[00:15:26] Or once my boss leaves. Or once I'm sleeping better. Probably you won't, because burnout is fundamentally linked to your beliefs, like I have to fix everything, they won't cope without me, they expect me to be available. And your attitudes, I'm a fixer, I'm a hard worker or a professional, the wife and kids will understand that I'm working all evening.

[00:15:51] And also your behaviours. I'll just do a couple more hours. I'll just squeeze this thing in. I'll check my messages again just in case. Or I'm sticking with this until I finish. Everything I've just spoken sounds useful, but the way that you're applying it if you're in burnout has gone over to the extreme where it's detrimental, yeah?

[00:16:11] So we just need to dial it back a little bit. Takes nothing from your professional efficacy. I never want you to be less than your full operational capacity. So myth number six, I'll fix burnout once this X has finished. This project's over, this boss has left, whatever. Number seven, I'm going to stop overworking soon.

[00:16:34] I'm sorry. I can't help laughing because I remember myself saying something similar. Here's the thing. Overwork is compulsive. It's addictive and in burnout really it's an act of desperation. If your self worth is primarily rooted in your work and you don't perceive you're working at a high enough level, no matter how much work you're actually putting in, it's not enough, you're not kicking the goals that you want, then it's more likely that you won't quit overwork.

[00:17:07] Does a hamster get off the wheel? However, unless you change your MO, burnout's a recurring problem. that degenerates, I can promise you, over time.

[00:17:20] It could already be there for you and you're in denial. And I get that because I was too. I kicked it under the rug for years, moving from job to job to run from the stress and ended up in ICU after a heart attack at 55 for my troubles. Just so you know. Burnout is a function of your stress response because what you've always done around stress is what you will keep doing around stress.

[00:17:45] But with even more speed and desperation over time, once you've sensed your vulnerability. So burnout episodes keep coming and they get deeper and longer. Stress hits you harder and harder over time and you become more and more depleted. Because if you get a sense at some point that you've stopped being invincible, and being invincible was your superpower.

[00:18:12] If you stop being invincible, that's terrifying, right? I thought it was anyway. So, no change in MO, no burnout recovery. That's the short and long of it. So don't sit in anxiety, do something. Come and see me, I can help. Burnout recovery is sustainable. It protects and elevates the remainder of your career.

[00:18:37] And your family and retirement come to that. Quite simply, you'll get your mojo back. So myth number seven, I'm going to stop overworking soon. Check your mileage. Myth number eight, I need a new job, a better boss, etc. Oh dear, you may have already tried this. Did it work? I tried it several times myself.

[00:19:00] Short answer, if your stress response is a big contributor to burnout, and you switch jobs, does your MO come with you? So my suggestion, if you hate your job, fix burnout first, then change jobs and enjoy it. All good. So myth number eight, I need a new job to fix my burnout. Myth number nine. People need me to keep going.

[00:19:23] I'm the only one holding this whole thing together. That could be true if you're a solopreneur or the only cardiologist in the county. Otherwise, people come and go. It's the nature of work and life. One day you're going to die and they'll have to cope, right? No one is really indispensable. And if you think you are, you're probably failing to trust other people failing to develop other people's talents, allowing others to take responsibility for their own jobs.

[00:19:53] And Burnout Recovery will train you how to stay in your lane, give massive value in your own role and let other people do their own work. I mean, not so much let them do their own work, but let them be adults because that's what adults do. So really, once you let go of people a little bit, and rather facilitate them to do their job than snatching it off them, you confer respect and dignity upon them.

[00:20:19] And it helps them see that they in fact can do their jobs and must. So rescuing people might seem very compelling, but mostly we really don't do adults any favours by yanking their failures out of their hands and fixing them ourselves. So myth number nine, people need me to keep going. Number 10.

[00:20:42] Overwork is 100 percent normal and required in my industry. Okay, in some industries, it actually is. Medicine again springs to mind. However, I help physicians recover from burnout.

[00:20:55] I don't encourage you to place the solution to burnout in anyone else's hands than your own. You can recover from burnout, regardless of your industry and its expectations, your work environment, or your boss. Period. You can recover. Number 11. I'm just doing my job. In that case, you can use burnout recovery to do that job more efficiently, more fluently, and with less wear and tear on you.

[00:21:21] And that's my promise to you with burnout recovery. Myth number 12. Everyone else is managing and I'm not. Same as the last point really. Either other people are not managing as well as they seem to be, paddling like ducks underwater, or you can evolve to getting through your workload as well as they seem to.

[00:21:44] It would be a shame to use this as a reason to defer recovery from burnout and enjoy your work again. Myth number 13. I need to hit my targets. Well, yes you do, I imagine. How's that going to work out if you allow burnout to really entrench further?

[00:22:01] Two choices, I think, if you're overworking, over stressing, and not meeting targets now. The first one is the one that you'll be doing now, and that is your go to. You'll keep trying harder and harder to meet those targets. But failing worse and worse, probably. Becoming more exhausted, less efficient, more cranky, and pushing burnout deeper.

[00:22:23] Typically that's what people in burnout do. The second choice is begin burnout recovery. So you get back to optimal performance by the shortest possible path and reduce stress about your targets. Some people are placed on leave, or ask for leave, to cover the early stages of recovery, also known as the last stages of burnout.

[00:22:46] Some people receive burnout recovery coaching whilst they're working and quickly reclaim enough time and energy to make that work. It's really up to you. But let's get you back to your best, otherwise you're never going to meet your target. So myth 13, I need to hit my target. 14 It's because we had a takeover.

[00:23:08] Or maybe some other disruptive organizational event. This is a good one. I think major organizational change negatively impacts most people, because it involves disruptive large scale changes to teams, personnel, roles and routines. Humans don't love big changes like that.

[00:23:29] However, if you're in burnout, you may have less resilience than other people or even less resilience than you used to have. And many clients do come to me at such times. Big events can be the last straw, triggering a burnout explosion, but takeovers are not the primary cause of burnout. Otherwise, all employees

[00:23:51] would burnout in a takeover. Takeovers can just bring it to a head. And if that's happening for you, you can still recover, whether you stay in your job or not. I've worked with many clients in this place. So myth number 14, it's because we had a takeover. Myth number 15, there's too much red tape these days,

[00:24:11] I can't get it all done. It's true that admin overhead has escalated for most of us over the years, citing medicine again, but even as it contributes to workload and time pressure, red tape alone cannot cause burnout. However, since you may not have complete influence or autonomy over the admin required in your role, it's more effective to take charge and work out how you can do the necessary without compromising your health and well being.

[00:24:45] In some cases, you may choose to rationalise your essential tasks and split off anything that's not critical path. Most people tell me that everything they do is critical, but that's usually subject to economies, once we break it down a little, manage anxiety, practice the art of saying no. So if you're overburdened with red tape, we can find better ways to manage that once burnout recovery takes hold.

[00:25:14] Myth number 16. I'm expected to be on call all the time. Of course, there are some people for whom this is a fact. Again, medicine, but by no means all the people who feel indispensable and compelled to be available around the clock. And those latter have this self belief about being available in order to avoid the anxiety of missing messages, to avoid the fear of displeasing someone.

[00:25:42] And usually those same people have an inbox that's out of control, full of unread messages. So I've really found during my years working with clients from many industries, that, The economy of time can be achieved by making different choices about tasks, about time, about expertise, about deadlines. And as Type A super achievers, those of us predisposed to burnout try to do too much.

[00:26:12] It's a feature. We're perfectionists, helpers, multi talented problem solvers. We're quite often the go to person and we make ourselves available as fixers. It's part of our self image. By the time we hit burnout though, that's not working too well anymore and we're anxious and overstretched. So what we do in burnout recovery is we take a dispassionate look at time available and work to do.

[00:26:41] And we make better choices. We create clear boundaries around time, communication, and escalation to make sure we can give the best service we can while preserving our sustained effectiveness and our personal time. So myth number 16, I'm expected to be on call all the time. Number 17. I don't set my own agenda anymore and I have too many meetings.

[00:27:08] Same deal. We make decisions based on our role and responsibilities. How we will deploy our time to give best service in reasonable hours. What we will and won't do. What our boundaries are. And one of those boundaries might be having communication windows. Works alarmingly well, especially for those people who think it's impossible.

[00:27:31] Another might be, it's not open season on our calendar. Or maybe we can delegate our calendar to be managed by someone else. Plus, we cancel our attendance at meetings that are not critical path. We don't automatically accept meeting requests. And I know many listeners will be bristling right now with all the reasons this won't work for them.

[00:27:54] And I'd be willing to bet that those listeners are also suffering anxiety about their schedules and what people will think if they change the calendar rules. Myth number 17, too many meetings. A near neighbor, myth number 18, I can't say no. So if that's true for you, for example, why is that? I encourage you right now to think of a successful business person that you personally admire.

[00:28:20] Do they ever say no? Why or why not? Then how about you? Do you think you'd perform better, or the same, or worse if you said no more? And think about this. If that answer that you just gave does not align with how frequently you actually say no, then you might be contributing to burnout yourself. rather than experiencing business constraints on saying no.

[00:28:52] And typically we don't say no to avoid difficult conversations. So potentially then, learning to change the way you communicate a no, such that you're respecting your own needs and others needs, and seeking collaborative wins, can radically change your experience of saying no. If you truly feel you can't say no, then unless you work in an organization where refusal to is not permissible, such as the army, there's likely going to be room for you to make higher quality self supporting decisions that are going to be easier for you in the long run because it's going to divest you of tasks that don't belong to you.

[00:29:33] You can also master the necessary open and honest conversations with people about that, that will enhance the quality of your relationships with them. So, what belief do you have that prevents you saying no? Let it pop into your mind and ask yourself this, where did you acquire that belief? Who taught you that about you?

[00:29:58] And how has it supported you in the past to believe that way? And then think about how it's working for you now, and whether you want to keep believing that now, or you'd rather find a new belief. So myth number 18, I can't say no. Okay, last one, number 19. My dead favourites are the myths about what fixes burnout.

[00:30:20] And here are some things that don't. Time off. Flexible work hours. Work from home. More team meetings. Free lunches. Team bonding exercises. Table football. Free exercises or, free exercise or diet apps. More sleep, yoga, meditation, better food, or any kind of external self care. So when I'm listing those, they all sound useful , don't they?

[00:30:47] But why don't they work in fixing burnout? Well, primarily because they're a band aid for the symptoms, not addressing the cause. And without tackling the root cause of burnout, those symptoms will soon be recreated.

[00:31:02] So perhaps what you've noticed while I've been talking through all the myths of burnout that I place the emphasis on you, not because responsibility rests only on you, and absolutely not to blame you for any of it, but because it's precarious at best to outsource your happiness and your mental well being to your workplace.

[00:31:25] Whilst I do agree that organizations can create conditions where employees thrive and can create a culture of psychological safety, inclusion, belonging, and reward, in my experience they so rarely do. And we could die waiting. Instead, I work on a model of empowerment of the individual. You, who can quit burnout and learn to thrive again in a completely self propelled way.

[00:31:54] And that means, even if the work environment never changes, they can be happy and their happiness is portable if they pick another job or retire. Burnout Recovery comes with a vast array of rewards, including better health, a sense of ease and wellbeing, lightheartedness, freedom from anxiety and anguish, renewed energy and spirit.

[00:32:19] Work enjoyment, passion, success, belonging, fulfilment, mentoring of others, deeper social relationships, and a fuller engagement with the whole of life. It's a bit like going from black and white to colour. Life's a lot more fun, is how I see it. And it's my experience. And if you would like to try that for yourself, give me a call.

[00:32:43] Come for a free consult, tell me what's bothering you at work and we'll map out a recovery path for you to get your mojo back at work, if you choose to work with me. You can start feeling better, by the way, in the first three or four weeks. To come and see me, book an appointment at DexRandall. com. And lastly, if you enjoyed this episode, please help me reach more people in burnout.

[00:33:07] If you know somebody who's in burnout, Please shoot them the podcast link and suggest they listen to the first five episodes. And I would love you also to rate and review the podcast. Thank you so much for listening in today. If you have any feedback or questions for me, if you've got anything to say about other myths of burnout that you want to work through, click the link in the show notes and you can send me a message directly.

[00:33:32] Okay. Catch you again next time.