Ep#16 Why most goals fail and 6 things you must do to succeed with yours

Hi, everyone. My name is Dex Randall and this is the Burnout to Leadership podcast, where I teach professional men to recover from burnout and get back to passion and reward at work. Hello my friends. This is Dex. And if you are listening to this hot off the press, happy New Year to you. And I hope you, indeed all of us, have a less COVID impacted year than we did last year. So wishing you and yours all the best. Today, I wanna talk about goals, because most people don't achieve their goals, and they don't really understand why or how to reverse that. And really you can learn the skill of achieving goals, and it's tremendously powerful to do that. So I'm gonna teach you today a few things. And this is part one of two goals episodes. In the second part, next time, we will look together at where your goal is going off the rails, if in fact it is, and how you can rescue it and keep going. And one of the reasons I'm doing this now is that this episode will be published on January the 7th, right around the moment where most people give up on the New Year's resolutions. And did you know that 92% of New Year's resolutions fail? And they often fail pretty quickly, a lot of them in the first week. So if you've made one, and you're listening to this in January, it could be the exact moment to fluff it back up again. Or if you've got any goal that you're working on, you're gonna pick up some tips about how to be spectacular, impress yourself, and stick with your goal until it's done. And it's funny, really how much we talk about goals, isn't it? And yet we're so often poor at getting them to the finishing line. Perhaps our human brains are not naturally geared or inclined to that style of thinking, but we can train them to be. And that's what we're here for, really, in coaching. After all, many people do, and I'm thinking particularly sports people, academics, lawyers, doctors, astronauts, adventurers, inventors, any kind of pioneer. So it is possible, and let's explore how. Okay. So first of all, a quick primer on setting a goal. I like to set small goals, specific, measurable, achievable, relevant and time bound. And in coaching, we always look at a goal that we can make happen and not rely on other people to do it, because do you like to be in control or what? But the most important part of it really is measurable, and with the set completion date. Without those two, we are not likely to fully commit and take the required action to make anything happen, unless of course, the goal is too easy. Don't do that. So set a stretch goal, measurable, by a completion date. And if you're thinking about your own goal now, don't over think it. Your heart is gonna know what it wants to do. My goal for this year, for example, is to create a coach training program, so I can train other coaches to become specialists in burnout coaching. As you may know, I'm an instructor for the life coach school, so I already train people to become coaches, but burnout really for me has become such a pandemic, there is such an explosion in the need for burnout coaches, and certainly in particular sectors of the community or certain industries. And the truth is, this coaching is spectacularly effective for burnout. So I really want to explode the number of burnout coaches to meet that need. And my deadline for the program is April 27th, 2022. And I know I'm gonna meet it. I've developed the skill for setting and achieving goals. So okay, how do we meet our target, to complete our goal? And if you're thinking about your own goal as I say that, I bet your mind is racing straight to the list of actions you need to take. But guess what? We actually meet the target with our mind. We make a decision, we commit, we use discipline, constraint, discernment, before we take action. Action is kind of the effect, not the cause. And also if you don't commit wholeheartedly to your goal, you won't achieve it, regardless of the action that you take. So, your 'why' is very, very important. Why do you want to achieve your goal? What will you create? Or more importantly, who will you become when you achieve your goal? What is your why? You need really know this to keep you strong when you waver. And typically, if you've got an altruistic component to your goal, if you're not the sole beneficiary, if someone else will get something out of it, if your goal, in fact, is bigger than you, then your why is gonna be a stronger motivator than if it isn't. Your why is important because the result, the end point of the goal is just actually... It's just a pleasant side effect of your efforts. The real juice is increasing your capacity to achieve goals, 'cause that's a repeatable skill. And you're gonna achieve your goal essentially in a single brief moment, probably somewhere towards the end of the year, if it's a yearly goal, and when you've worked hard every day this year to get there, that moment pales into insignificance. You will have invested so much already in yourself as a human. And I call it really working on your goals in this way, I call it 'leading with your brain,' because solving problems with your brain, getting results with your brain is way easier, quicker, cheaper, than solving with your actions. Imagine how well failing fast applies to your brain, to your thinking. And also no amount of useful looking action can override a negative mindset. And if you don't believe me on that one, look at your past performance with goals. So, let's go through a few tips to make sure your goal stays on track once you've made it, and the first tip is commit absolutely. At the start of the year, when your goal is fresh... Although as well at any time later on when obstacles come up for you, and that's all you can see, recommit wholeheartedly at any time for your goal. Do it now. Do it every day. Make it a habit to breathe life into that commitment every morning and find gratitude for your sense of purpose, adventure, momentum, achievement. Just decide to be in success mode and take that first small step forward today. Invest in believing in yourself, because goals are a gift to your future self. So, I'm gonna ask you now what your current commitment is to your goal. If you're gonna rate it from 1 10, where is it sitting? I hope you've already answered, because I'm gonna tell you that anything less than a 10 isn't gonna crack it, because what you've done there is you've already given yourself an out. So self coach your commitments until you get it up to a 10. Find all the reasons and thoughts you have to pump out. And this will help you make sure that your follow through is strong, sustained, consistent, dynamic, daunt ness. So that's step one, commit absolutely.

Don't look at the top of the mountain. If your goal looks like too big of a mountain to climb, which probably it is if you've got a stretch goal, don't panic. There's really no need to terrify yourself. Just stop looking at the mountain peak for a moment. It's the journey after all that's gonna build your skills. The only step you need to take today is the next one. So how to do this really is, break your goal down into what you need to achieve by quarter, by month, by week, and finally for this current week. And when you break it down into subgoals like that, put the subgoal deadlines onto your calendar, and then also onto your weekly schedule. Just follow it. No other option. Make it happen. Obey your calendar. Your mind might be giving you a bunch of excuses right now, so really listen to that, listen to that in yourself. If it's doing that while I'm talking, listen. Be onto yourself, because the things that it's telling you are the reasons why you haven't achieved goals in the past. And this is where your work is. So basically don't give into the chatter. Don't look at the top of

Don't let doubt have a party in your head. Doubt is normal. Of course, doubt will come up when you set a goal. That's how the brain works. But prolonged doubt is an indulgent emotion. An emotion that allows us to escape another more troublesome emotion. And quite often is fear of failure. Indulgent emotions like doubt, worry, anxiety, confusion, all take our mind off the problem. And actually they just become an activity. We spend time in them. We buffer with them. It can be very short term successful. It does change state. But don't be distracted. Just spend time allowing the urge to procrastinate, make excuses, abandon your plan, or check your phone. Feel the original emotion, let's say it is fear of failure. Feel that emotion all the way through, become familiar with it, and then when it's passed through, when you felt it, when you have allowed the emotion, then you can return back to your schedule and get on with your task. It's gonna be a lot quicker to do that than it is to give into procrastination,

If you're able to have a thought that generates doubt, you are equally able to have a thought that builds self confidence, excitement, enthusiasm, commitment or discipline. So listen to your doubts, but don't dwell on them.

Be in done energy, the best way to get your goal done is via your future self who's already accomplished it. In your mind, you can just be in done energy. You can develop certainty that you will meet your goal. You can be that future you now, with all the right thoughts, speech, habits, and behaviors. And when you're in that energy, when you're in future done energy, that energy will pull you into your future, whereas your old thoughts are gonna pull you back into the past and failure. So, be that future you now, because there isn't any downsides to doing that, right? Look hard for thoughts that create certainty that you will hit your goal no matter what. And when I say 'no matter what' I really mean, no matter how much negative thinking you also have.'Cause you can hold the two things together. And when you can create your certainty and just inhabit that for a moment, then you start to just be curious about how to meet your goal. If you're in done energy, even for one day, notice that. And notice what you produce during that day, acknowledge it. This is your repeatable success. So, generate everyday done energy, certainty, and work

Enjoy the journey. If you think you're gonna feel better once you're successful, that's a thought error. You are never gonna feel better then, unless you feel better now and take the feeling with you. Find ways to appreciate your courage, your commitment, your discipline, your efforts and your wins, and even your fails. Find ways to be grateful every day for being on the journey at all. Celebrate yourself and your life. You're already perfect. The goal is just for kicks, right? When you pause to celebrate every day, you're giving your brain a reason to try again tomorrow. Our brains are motivated by success. By reward. Contrary to what we might have been doing up until now. Because if you're living in doubt, overwhelm, confusion, self blame, any kind of negative emotion, you're basically feeding your brain pain. So stop it. Because the journey is 99% of the experience of getting to your goal. Enjoy that. Don't wait for that fleeting moment of success. So enjoy the journey and find ways to be grateful for it. Number six, celebrate failure. And I'm serious about this one. Make a tally of all your fails and be grateful to yourself for them. They all will create your wins. Nothing new was ever created without failure. Because remember, the only way you can truly fail is to quit completely. Everything else is just learning. So keep going no matter what. And when you stumble, remember what you promised yourself about your goal, remember your why, remember who you want to become, and also how much you want to honor your dreams. It's important because your soul knows that you made that promise. So, send yourself the message that you're important, that what you want is important. Acknowledge yourself, thank yourself at every step and have fun. You gotta remember, your goal is a living thing. It has animus. It's not going to respond to neglect. It's like a new puppy. You got to lavish your best attention on it. You have to find delight in it. And then it becomes a game, a puzzle, a challenge, because otherwise why are you even doing it? So celebrate everything, your dream, your energy, your wins, your fails. Celebrate being alive long enough to pursue the goal. Celebrate the act of creation. So, they are my tips for getting started on your goal today. Listen to the next episode for how to deal with any obstacles that come up while you're trying to achieve your goal. And thank you for listening today. I appreciate you giving your time and attention. Stay solid with your goal. You can visit my website at burnouttoleadership.com for the show notes from today. Please subscribe and rate this podcast, or forward it to anyone you know who needs help with burnout or following their dreams, creating new results in their lives. Appreciate you very much. Alrighty. See you next time. If you're in burnout and ready to recover, come and join my Burnout To Leadership program. You can book in to talk with me at burnout.dexrandall.com. Just tell me what's bugging you and let's make a plan to fix it.