Burnout Recovery

Ep#73 Creating a safe path to burnout recovery

April 13, 2023 Dex Randall Season 2 Episode 73
Burnout Recovery
Ep#73 Creating a safe path to burnout recovery
Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

Burnout recovery depends first on creating a sense of safety. You'll find it hard to recover without one. This is why sometimes organisational support for employees falls short. So-called 'wellbeing' programs. Taking a holiday, playing table football, eating a better diet are all unlikely to cure burnout, because they don't fix the root cause of the problem.

The coaching tools I teach can be used to create spectacular results in life, but safety comes first. You first need to create a safe path out of exhaustion, anxiety, frustration and despair and rebuild your capacity for change. Then, clear the runway!

Here I share the steps to create that safety, resilience and wellbeing that are the prerequisites for lasting burnout recovery and career growth.

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Dex (00:00:09) - Hi everyone. My name's Dex Randall and this is the Burnout to Leadership Podcast where I teach professional men to recover from burnout and get back to passion and reward at work.

Dex (00:00:23) - Hello my friends. This is Dex, and today what I'd like to talk about a little bit is what prevents burnout recovery. Because I know so many people have tried to recover from all the different aspects of burnout that are, well basically create suffering. And I think a lot of people are quite frustrated with themselves that they're not able to create this better life that they know that they want. And so what I want to talk about today a little bit is creating a safe path to burnout out recovery. And I'm just gonna preface this by saying that actually when I had my own burnout and I had a heart attack and I was lying on the sofa trying to recover day after day cause I couldn't move, I was introduced to coaching this style of coaching that I teach and practice in that time.

Dex (00:01:19) - And the thing that attracted me to it, I think the most was one of the teachings that they gave me is that life, every human life has the 50 50 of emotions. So 50% of what we think is favorable emotions and 50% of ones we'd rather not have. And I thought, wow, 50 50 And it, and they were saying, well, you can't transcend that. You can't choose to have a hundred percent, you know, positive emotion because life's not like that. Humans are not like that. Difficult things will continue to occur and our minds take off in various directions. They don't always take off in a helpful direction. Often we create our own misery or make it worse, and that's just part of being human. But the attraction to me was I lit up when they said, you're gonna have the 50 50 of emotions. I lit up completely because at that time I was probably, you know, if I'm gonna be charitable about it, I would say I was at the 90 10 of emotions.

Dex (00:02:20) - I had 90% neutral or negative and 10% positive. And I just thought 50 50, give it to me. I want it right now. And I thought, well, they've got a method of creating this, um, that I can adopt. And I started practicing that and immediately I created a better experience for myself. And admittedly at the point that I took this up, I was already a few months probably after my burnout had finished and I'd had the heart attack. So I was already on a recovery path. And this kind of created space for me to be able to think about, okay, what do I need to do to have a better life from here on? Because I was quite young when I had my heart attack. I was, I think I was 55. Uh, well you may not think of that as quite young, but from where I'm sitting now, it is. Anyhow <laugh>.

Dex (00:03:11) - So what they proposed, um, was a couple of tools. So I'm gonna talk about it in the end, uh, in a few moments. But let me just also set the scene by saying this. The kind of coaching that they taught me was based on cognitive behavior theory. This is provable science, right? About how our brains actually work, how they process thoughts and emotions, how we create our reality with our minds. And they talked a lot about subconscious thoughts versus conscious thoughts. Now subconscious thoughts are what make up this inner voice. We have often called the inner critic. They're all of the thoughts we have that allow us to conduct our lives without consciously thinking. And the example I could use is when we're driving a car, we don't think about how to drive a car. This subconscious, we know what we are doing. It's, if you like unconscious competence, it's something we've learned in the past, subconscious coughs it up and we just act that out.

Dex (00:04:17) - And it's fine because it's always been fine. So most of our thoughts, let's say we have roughly 60,000 thoughts a day for the sake of argument. Sometimes science suggests that it's this. Almost all of those thoughts are subconscious. They're stuff we already know. We know how things are, we know what to do, we know how to behave in all these various situations we come across every day. Much of our life is just routine. We know how to make toast. Okay? We know how to drive a car. We know how to do our work usually pretty much. So most of our thoughts are subconscious. One of the reasons that that's important is our brain actually uses 20% of our calorific intake every day. It's pretty expensive to run. There's a lot going on in there in my case, for a very small brain. Um, so let's say 90% of our thoughts are subconscious and only 10% are stuff we don't know how to do.

Dex (00:05:14) - And we have to actively think about. And the subconscious mind takes a tiny, tiny fraction of the energy to produce a thought that the conscious thinking takes. I mean it's a minuscule compared with the conscious mind how much energy that uses. So it's very economical in survival terms. To have subconscious thoughts is very effortless. Whereas conscious thinking is very effortful. So our bodies naturally as we are animals, right as survival depends on our energy levels. So naturally we've evolved to have very little conscious thought, okay? But all of this subconscious stuff that we aren't even aware of, how we drive a car, the decisions we make while we're driving a car, we don't even notice 'em. All of those subconscious thoughts, 80 to 90% of what we're thinking every day are what's driving the bus of our lives. Those thoughts are creating our day. They're driving all the things we think we believe. We say we do react. Everything is subconscious. That's what's driving the bus of our life. So it's quite good to find out what's happening in there cuz we can actually tune in to our subconscious.

Dex (00:06:30) - And really all of that subconscious stuff that has worked in the past. So we just consider it's gonna work now, means that we really believe in our own minds, we take it for granted that all of the thoughts and beliefs we have are true. Because if they weren't true, that would put us in a very difficult position, wouldn't it? We'd be kind of in free fall. So all the thoughts we've adopted as true in the past, throughout our whole lives, they're all true for us at one moment. The moment when we were introduced to that thought, we believed it and it worked out. So we kept it and we made it a habit. Um, but we learned most of what we now consider as adults to be the truth, the only truth we learned that in the first seven years of our lives where we lack any critical faculties, we don't think about whether we want to believe something or not.

Dex (00:07:30) - People tell us and we just absorb it and go, that's the truth. Absorb the next. That's the truth. So those people who've brought us up teach us how to survive in the world. They teach us all manner of things about people, about education, about money, about running a day-to-day life, about how to keep our houses clean, how to put our shoes on, how to brush our teeth, everything right. And they teach us the truth about how to be a good human being. If you do all of the things that I tell you, then you will be a good human being. And this is what's required to fit in with the family, with society as a whole. This is how you're gonna be accepted in the world if you follow all the rules that we give you about being a good human. So we just suck all these rules in and all this information in about everything that our, our caregivers, our parents, our teachers are influences. Whatever they believe will help them survive in the world they teach us and go, okay, you do all these things and you'll survive in the world. Don't put your fingers on a hot stove. You'll survive in the world. Right? A lot of this stuff can be very useful, but not all of it. Some of it is a bit loaded and a bit biased. Some of it is not the fact that we think it is.

Dex (00:08:48) - So that's our kind of panorama of subconscious thinking that's driving our lives is what we learned when we were very young, largely because that's when we learned most of what we think we know in this life in the first few years of our lives when we are dependent on adults for survival. So this brings us back to coaching. So the theory of coaching, using cognitive behavior therapy is how we respond to what we see and perceive happening in the world. We respond to that by having one of these old recycled thoughts from our subconscious. And that thought we have then produces a feeling and how we feel stimulates how we're gonna act on that information. So we have a perception, we have a thought about it. The thought creates the feeling. The feeling triggers an action that we will have to this situation, whatever it is.

Dex (00:09:42) - And that creates the result for us in our lives. So that's kind of the c b t part of the process. So what we teach in coaching is, okay, if we can bring to mind, if we can bring to our conscious mind that something happened out in the world and we had a thought about it, what is that thought? If we can trap that thought and see how we felt when we had that thought and then see how we behaved when we had that feeling and what result we created in our world, what that really means for us is if something adverse happens to us as a result of the thing that happened out in the world, then it gives us back some agency. If we can see that we contributed to that in some way, the result that we had, we didn't want. If we can see that we contributed to that by having a negative thought, which triggered a negative feeling and that spawned negative or perhaps unuseful actions that created for us the result we didn't really want.

Dex (00:10:46) - If we can see that pattern and become aware of it in our conscious mind, then it gives us a bit of agency. Okay? That is the concept. So there are two core tools that we use in coaching and also that we teach people in self coaching to manage our minds. And the first one is to do a thought download, which is listening to that little voice in our head, that inner critic or whatever you wanna call it, stream of consciousness. You just tune in to the voice in the head and you listen to all the sentences, all the thoughts going through your mind. And without any editing or any opinion or any judgment, you write them down. And the reason we do that is we just, it's like tuning into a radio station or a broadcast or a podcast or something and just writing down everything you're hearing as if you are a court stenographer.

Dex (00:11:41) - You don't change anything or judge anything, you just listen, right? And the reason we do that is because that stream of consciousness is our subconscious mind having thoughts and making decisions on our behalf. And if that's what's driving the bus of our life, we really wanna know who's driving right? We really wanna tune in to what our subconscious mind is up to and also what it's trying to tell us about life and what it thinks about life, how it's interpreting our world. So when we do this, listening to our stream of consciousness and writing it down, we call that a thought download. We're just tuning into our subconscious mind to find out who's driving the bus today in this moment. Yeah. And it's a really powerful tool in seeing how we are creating our lives. Cuz those subconscious thoughts will create feelings for us. The feelings will trigger actions and the actions will create our results in life.

Dex (00:12:35) - So what we're doing is we're finding out what's going on under the hood, if you like. How is this all unfolding every day for us? Why am I doing the same shitty little things today that I did yesterday where it didn't work yesterday, but I'm still doing them today. I didn't get what was on my schedule done yesterday and I'm still not doing it today. Why? So when we tune into our thoughts, we're gonna find out why. We're gonna find out what our, what we're telling ourselves, which is causing us to not succeed somehow in life or not create the results that we'd like in life. And then from that information, we use what we call a self-coaching model. Self-coaching model is the C B T path. It's where we write down a five line model and the first line is circumstance, which, which is where we record something that happens out in the world.

Dex (00:13:26) - Like my boss yelled at me. We just write that down to see what the trigger was in the world that created a reaction or some reactivity in us. Then we, uh, so the first line is circumstance. What happened in the world outside our control. The next line is our thought that we had in response to what just happened. I might be, oh no, my job's in, in jeopardy because the boss is angry with me. That might be how I think. Then we write down the feeling we had when we thought that thought. My feeling might be anxiety, for example. Then we look at the action we take when we feel that anxiety coming from that thought, maybe I'm running off for a coffee cause I don't wanna stay in the office, I'm just avoiding the situation. So we write down what we do when we think that thought and feel that feeling.

Dex (00:14:17) - And then afterwards we write down the result. The last line is the result. We write down what we created for ourselves when we took the action we took. So if I ran out of the office for a coffee, well then clearly I didn't deal with any problem that may be occurring. I didn't speak to the boss and find out what was going on or how I could fix the problem or how I could help. So the result could be, I feel even more insecure now that I've run off for a coffee than I felt when I thought the boss had been unhappy with me. So I teach both of these skills in my coaching, both the thought download, listening to this stream of consciousness and how to construct a C B T model so we can see what we are creating in our lives that we isn't bringing us a result that we want.
Dex (00:14:17) - And then afterwards we write down the result. The last line is the result. We write down what we created for ourselves when we took the action we took. So if I ran out of the office for a coffee, well then clearly I didn't deal with any problem that may be occurring. I didn't speak to the boss and find out what was going on or how I could fix the problem or how I could help. So the result could be, I feel even more insecure now that I've run off for a coffee than I felt when I thought the boss had been unhappy with me. So I teach both of these skills in my coaching, both the thought download, listening to this stream of consciousness and how to construct a C B T model so we can see what we are creating in our lives that we isn't bringing us a result that we want.

Dex (00:15:02) - Okay? They're the two core, um, processes that are in self coaching and as well coaching. And the reason that we do that is we notice how we're creating something we don't want in the world. And then we can do a second model. And the second model uses the same circumstance. My boss yelled at me in this case. So we still put that circumstance, my boss yelled at me. But then we think, okay, at a conscious level, if I was bringing that process to consciousness, instead of letting my subconscious handle it, what thought would I like to have about my boss yelling at me?

Dex (00:15:41) - And the reason we do that is we can choose a thought that's more constructive, that will bring us closer to a result we'd like in our world. So I might choose a thought, I know I'll see if I can help him out here. Then we see, okay, well feeling, did that thought create well the feeling might be curious a little bit more open than anxiety, a little bit more likely to precipitate me towards a better result. So maybe the action that I take is I go and talk to my boss to see if I can help in any way. And maybe the result I create from that is I find out that the boss wasn't angry with me. He was angry with the previous person he was speaking to. And actually there's nothing wrong. Okay? So what I've done there is I've created a really different experience for myself where I don't lose capacity in the world to solve the problem. Okay?

Dex (00:16:36) - It's a very simple technique, but it has very complex and profound effects on our day-to-day experience when we can change the trajectory of our day, of our actions, just by bringing a subconscious process conscious and making new choices for ourselves, which give us more power, more agency to create an experience that we like instead of reacting and creating one that we don't like. Okay? So this is all perfect is it works amazingly well. And I do teach it to every single person that I work with as a tool for, uh, kind of self writing from problems, minimizing the harm, minimizing the emotional negativity, uh, the withdrawal that comes along with that quite often. So it's very potent at making very, really small conscious changes to the way we behave every day to create a better and better, uh, more relaxing, more fulfilling, more rewarding, more connecting experience in life.

Dex (00:17:36) - The only trouble is the only way we can, once we've done a subconscious stream of consciousness model to see where things are going wrong, the only way we can then have agency to fix that by doing a new model is when we feel safe. Cuz if in that moment we don't feel safe, what's really happening is we've gone into anxiety about the boss yelling at us. We've gone into anxiety and that's triggered our fight or flight. It's basically triggered our amygdala, which has then producing adrenaline, okay? And once we got adrenaline flooding our brain, we can't engage the conscious mind to produce new thoughts. That capacity is turned off when our adrenaline fires, our amygdala turns off our ability to consciously solve problems like that. So it's inaccessible for us to be able to solve a problem in the moment once we're in fight or flight.

Dex (00:18:34) - And that's what anxiety always does. Anxiety is a, a chronic trigger of fight or flight response in us. And it's not so much that we're gonna run down the street screaming, but at to low level, it does inhibit our our ability to turn our life around. Okay? So basically we can only do this second model from our prefrontal cortex, which has already gone offline when we're anxious. We can only use that processing when we feel safe, when we're aware of our thoughts and we can make a choice to modify them in a kind of logical and self-determined way.

Dex (00:19:15) - And all of this really depends on us. What we have is we have three main brain areas. We've got the prefrontal brain, which is our thinking brain, our problem solving brain, our decision-making brain. Um, and it's our most in evolutionary terms. It's our most recent brain development to have this capacity to have conscious thought. And underneath that we have an emotional brain, which responds to the emotions we're having. And underneath that we've got our survival brain, which is the amygdala system, our reptilian brain, which just responds to sensations. It responds to danger triggers essentially. And the amygdala always fires before the other two. Once the amygdala is fired, you in fight or flight, the emotional brain doesn't matter anymore. And the prefrontal cortex doesn't matter anymore either. We still, we've gotta get the survival problem fixed first. So everything else is out the window.

Dex (00:20:12) - So we have this prefrontal cortex, it can overrule our habitual thoughts when we feel safe enough to do that. So we have to establish safety first. But this brain, it helps us rationalize. It helps us produce rational, um, solutions to problems. It helps us make decisions, um, helps us display what we might think of as adult behaviors. It helps us with motivation and it helps us to overcome addictions addictive behaviors. And it's also our social brain that controls our relationships and communication with people. So it really does have quite a lot of desirable functions, but all of those functions are automatically lost to us in fight or flight. Along with, of course, all of our rest and repair functions in our body. They go out the window as well once we're in fight or flight. So if you're in burnout or if you're in chronic anxiety or stress, if you have a D H D and things like that, you're gonna be firing in survival mode, living on adrenaline a lot of the time.

Dex (00:21:27) - It's gonna be your kind of default setting, really. You'll be very easily triggered into fight or flight. And we're only designed to use fight or flight as a short term emergency kind of feature. And if we have enough fear, including anxiety, which is a flavor of fear, if we have enough fear and it becomes chronic, this overuse of fight or flight damages and depletes our systems internally so we lose, uh, or we lose function in our immune system, sleep, uh, muscle and tissue repair, sex digestion, and a whole plethora of other things. But basically all of our relaxation and repair responses go out the window when we're in fight or flight chronically, which we will be if we have a lot of stress, anxiety, fear, watchfulness, hypervigilance and that sort of thing. So the conclusion from this really is that experiences such as, uh, burnout, depression, anxiety, chronic need for control, perfectionism, A D H D, addiction, eating disorders, self-harm, and a whole bunch of other mental and physical health challenges, um, really all of those bundled together are coping mechanisms. They're trying to fix the experiences we have that are not working for us in life. And all of them are rooted in a sense of unsafety. So if you're suffering any of those experiences, they're underpinned by a sense of unsafety, aren't they? Do you feel relaxed and, and calm and confident in the world? Potentially not.

Dex (00:23:15) - And really where that comes from, all of those coping mechanisms, they can be, they can be created at any stage in, in our lives when we've had something traumatic happen to us. But fundamentally, for most people, they generate as children and they generate because we have insecure attachment. In other words, we don't have a caregiving adult in our lives to whom we can confide everything. An adult that unconditionally loves and accepts and cares for us. Whatever we do, we don't feel loved and accepted for who we are. And then all the coping mechanisms are basically to try and ameliorate that, to try and compensate for that. And then we, we developed these formative urges, um, to act as or to become a person who could be loved and accepted regardless of anything that they do say, because, and we develop those coping mechanisms most in childhood because in childhood survival is paramount and we depend on our caregivers for that survival.

Dex (00:24:28) - So the need to be loved and accepted by the caregivers is a survival matter. So it becomes very, very important at all times to gain that love and acceptance. So we know that we've ensured our survival and that it's not dependent on what we do. And it, if it is dependent on what we do and how we behave in our perception, and sometimes that can be the fragility of the caregiver, if they are changeable, if they're kind and gentle, one moment and crazy and angry the next, then we'll feel that it's our fault as children. And we'll try and modify our behavior to compensate for the adult. So whatever we haven't felt secure, um, in our relationships, and that as a child is, is the number one importance.

Dex (00:25:15) - A, as children, we've also got a need for authenticity. As humans, we have a need. We have two, uh, non-negotiable needs. One is for, for attachment and the safety that comes from that. And the other one is for authenticity, are feel of our uniqueness in this world. And both of those are very strong. But ultimately, we, if we, if it comes down to a choice for survival, we will abandon our need for authenticity to our need for safe attachment and survival. And I think this is where, so in burnout, maybe this is gonna apply to you, you can check is when we abandon our authenticity, we're abandoning a piece of ourselves. And people in burnout generally have little or no idea who they really are because they have abandoned that self. They don't know what they love to do, what makes them happy, how to connect with reward and fulfillment.

Dex (00:26:12) - They've kind of lost track of that. And I think of it as it's an abdication, really. We're no longer fully present. We're no longer fully heart present to the people in our lives. And that causes us a great deal of distress. So people in that position have literally abandoned their real self and what matters to them, what their values are. And they've done that while they're trying to create a sense of safety that never comes. And then they feel of course, naturally abandoned, sad, empty, lonely, a lack of belonging. And I think for me, what I found works when we're behaving in that way, when we've abandoned ourselves the antidotes of that, um, to heal from that, it is really to adopt new thoughts, habits, and behaviors to that stimulate motivation, engagement, and more social behaviors. But to do that, we need first to feel safe. So burnout, coaching is first and foremost about creating safety, um, and offering unconditional love, acceptance care, listening so that the sufferer can feel, seen, heard, accepted, and most of all, safe to be in their body, to live in their values, to be their true selves.

Dex (00:27:40) - And on top of this, I also teach clients, and I know there's a lot of coaches listening, and I teach this to coaches too. I teach people to love, honor, cherish, and accept themselves to find out who they really are underneath when they feel safe. And to show up for themselves in a gentle and kindhearted way, A fully accepting way, which helps them to heal the, the wounds, if you like, of abandonment, disapproval, neglect, and whatever they've experienced in early life, that's hurt them. And once this happens, burnout, recovery becomes accessible and moving forward in life becomes accessible because this person kind of makes room for letting go of old unhelpful beliefs, survival beliefs, uh, let go of inadequacy, let go of shame, let go of self hatred and let go of the resulting avoidance. Um, addictive behaviors, withdrawal, isolation, people pleasing, let go of the need to overwork and the need to control. It's basically letting go of the need for approval, external approval, and the frustration and meanness that comes from trying to do that and not always succeeding. So all those apparently protective aspects that as children would've kept them safe and kept them alive by getting external approval. Um, all of those behaviors of now as adults passed their usefulness and now are holding them back from a life of engagement and connection and fulfillment from, from living into the wonder of who they genuinely are.

Dex (00:29:26) - So when we can release some of that and create some internal safety, this is where each person releases themself into their generosity, their connection, their belonging, their ability to make their best contribution and feel joyful in that. And this in turn allows fun, spontaneity, contentment, uh, good rest, good sleep, relaxation, appreciation, and really genuine, deeply felt gratitude. All of that comes back and it allows 'em to feel this sense of enoughness, completeness, competence, inclusion, uh, and it really, from, from creating safety within acceptance within, that's when your prefrontal cortex starts firing again. Once you feel safe, that's where you can start doing these models, where you can modify some of your old reactivity and create intentional ways of being in the world that bring you results that you want. So you can, this is where you can start changing your thoughts, um, for thoughts you like more that are more productive for you, feelings that are better.

Dex (00:30:38) - And then you get to start creating whatever you want in your life. This is where it explodes what becomes possible for you to achieve in your life, your personal life, your work life for those coaches in your ability to create a thriving business that you love. And really, it allows you to spend very, very little time and energy wondering what anyone else is doing or thinking or saying about you, uh, about other people's, how other people's Instagram looks, uh, about how you're performing, whether you're making a good impression, learning enough money, uh, giving good enough service, whether you're gonna be able to keep your job or not. All of that will diminish, it'll fade, fade away once you are living much more in, in what's really your native true potential that's still stuck inside you somewhere. This is, this is what, what I think of as getting your mojo back.

Dex (00:31:34) - Because in burnout, if we don't feel safe, if we got this chronic anxiety running, okay, and perfectionism and fear and stress, if, if all that's got and hate hatred as well, resentment, anger, rage, irritation, impatience, all of that bundle in, that's occurring for us usually in burnout. And then we're avoiding people withdrawing as well. And that brings its own set of pain and we're exhausted, depleted and not sleeping. Um, we're not digesting food very well. That whole kind of catastrophe that is burnout that leads us into a sense of despair and being unable to, to, to fix it. All of that, we're probably using at least 90% of our inner resources, mental, emotional and physical, 90% of our daily energy budget. Um, and our, our little meager ability to express our own will to get stuff done. We are using all of that, trying to knit together a tiny bit of safety and, and we're probably failing at that anyway.

Dex (00:32:39) - I don't have to tell you how exhausting and demoralizing that is. How a arid, essentially arid like we were had in a desert, starving to death. It's alienating, it's depleting. Trying to control your world and the people in it is exhausting and it works very, very poorly. Usually doesn't give us the result that we want. It doesn't make us any friends either. And so any, any fragment of safety we create that way by trying to manipulate people or events in our favor. It's only gonna be fleeting and seconds later we're gonna need more, more approval, more comfort, more sense of safety. And that whole process is what we call addiction, right? We're just gonna keep going round and round in that looking and looking and looking for more safety and a, a better emotional feeling. W we are basically trying to create a sense of emotional wellbeing from thin air. How ultimately futile. And if that's you, if you, if that any of that that I've said today about the suffering of burnout, um, and lack of confidence in life generally, and lack of self-esteem and self-worth in life, if any of that is resonating for you and you are kind of stuck in the cycle of trying to create safety outside of you, just ask yourself if ultimately that's working for you.

Dex (00:34:04) - Because what bio observation and also by personal experience, no matter how much exercise or good eating or even meditation you do or how much harder you work, it won't fundamentally fix burnout. Taking a holiday, creating more work-life balance can never be the deciding factors as long as your nervous system is still in there feeling unsafe. And it's on this endless quest for safety, which is so expensive and so depleting. And if that's you, you know, I bet you wish there was an alternative that actually felt better and that caused you to relax into yourself. Well, you know, there is, and that's why I do this coaching burnout, recovery always starts with creating safety. And that same business building as well starts with creating safety. Cuz you're never gonna be able to discipline yourself to do all the necessary things to feel better when you are or when you are fundamentally still feeling unsafe.

Dex (00:35:04) - Safety has to come before confidence, before action, before motivation. It's the driver of all of those things. So what you really want to do is create safety inside of yourself that's always available, not seeking external approval, which is temporary and fleeting, but finding approval and safety inside of yourself, which is relaxing, comforting, always there. You never have to worry about it. You can always fall back into your own personal safety. It creates from that place, it creates resilience, adequacy, and enormous amount of confidence, motivation, the ability to take the action that you need to resolve any external life issues that you have. So from this place of safety that you create inside of you, everything else becomes possible. Massive growth becomes possible. So if you want to recover from burnout or coaches, if you want to create a se a successful business, same deal. First, create internal safety.

Dex (00:36:10) - Don't wait for that to happen at work. Your team leader creating psychological safety at work. Don't wait for that, don't wait for someone else to do it. You've already tried that and it hasn't really been working that well as my guess. It, it just doesn't stick, doesn't stick to the sides. So if you want to do that, if you want to recover from burnout or if you want to create a business or whatever you want in your future of goodness, of goodness, of connection, of goodness, of results, career results, whatever it is you wanna create, come and see me and I'm really gonna quickly teach you how to do it for yourself. It's actually not very hard to learn once you understand the method, and I can teach you very quickly, and this is where you start getting your mojo back. You start rising above and feeling confident, feeling resilient, feeling powerful, having agency in your own life.

Dex (00:37:02) - This is where your career takes off. And when your home life becomes much more fun and you feel grounded, connected, belonging, resilient, safety first my friends. And if you want to understand, so I'm just gonna put in the show notes today, a little couple of books that I think are good. Prime is on how we don't feel this safety that we need, why we don't feel it. What's happened to us is this sense of safety is missing. Um, some of it's about attachment theory and trauma in, in our younger years. Something's gone wrong there. We've developed coping mechanisms. Understanding that landscape I find enormously helpful in getting onto a healing path. So I'm gonna put a couple of books, uh, by Peter Levine and Belmar in the show notes if you want a little primer on that. But essentially, if you're in burnout, a hundred percent fixable, I really do hope you're gonna come and talk to me about how to create a much better experience in your work and home life. It's, it's something I would wish for everybody who's listening, who is suffering. Um, so listen in the, at the end of the episode for the link and come and see me. Come and have a chat with me. Let's work out how to help you out.

Dex (00:38:20) - If you are in burnout and ready to recover, come and join my Burnout to Leadership program. You can book in to talk with me at burnout.dexrandall.com. Just tell me what's bugging you and let's make a plan to fix it.

Creating a Safe Path to Burnout Recovery
The 50/50 Rule of Emotions
CBT and subconscious thoughts
Understanding subconscious thoughts
CBT and coaching
Thought Downloads
Self-Coaching Model
Choosing constructive thoughts
Understanding the brain
Coping Mechanisms
Abandonning Authenticity
Creating safety
Benefits of safety
Getting your mojo back
Safety creates confidence
A safe path to recovery
Invitation to coaching