Ep#64 Goals #5 Success Story - Sam the family man

Hi everyone. My name's Dex Randall, and this is the Burnout to Leadership podcast where I teach professional men to recover from burnout and get back to passion and reward at work. Hello, my friends Dex here, and this week I have a special couple of interviews with a couple of my clients. It's really a success story is real because I wanted you to see what kind of results were obtainable with burnout coaching. I don't just bring people out of burnout. The purpose of bringing you outta burnout is number one, so you're not suffering so much. And number two, so you can go on to reach your natural levels of potential, which at the moment if you're in burnouts, are pretty squash flat. Okay. So what I wanted to bring to you is a couple of guys who've been through the program who've achieved or are achieving some really big goals. And I'm just gonna ask them basically what they thought about the journey and how they got there. How so, Sam, when did you conceive your goal? So when did I conceive my goal? Look I conceived my goal about two weeks into the program with you. And truthfully, it was essentially a case of... I didn't even really think about a goal or an ideal future state until you directly asked the question. But what I did know is that I did need to make some serious changes, which is why I decided to progress with the program, with yourself. And what was that goal? Can you share? Yeah, yeah, of course. My goal was to feel lighter, less agitated, less irritable, more optimistic about life in general. In my work. I work as an account executive in the world of Big Tech. And I've worked in Big Tech, you can argue for the last eight years. And I've worked in sales for the last 17 or 18 years. So I was looking to feel more optimistic about that. But as well as actually having like a system or a framework around me to correct myself if I'm kind of going back into that burnt out zone or going back into, like a negative or, yeah, essentially like a negative type of mindset. Okay. And what stopped you pursuing that goal at that time when you first thought of it? What stopped me from pursuing it? How do you mean pursuing it? Sorry. Well, when that goal popped into your head, were you able to make it happen right away? Was there a barrier? No, no. There were several barriers. I mean, look at the time I was in a bit of a spiral from a position of confidence. And I just didn't have the tools. I mean, like, I mean, you know, metaphorically speaking, I felt I was at the bottom of a well, and I could look up and I could see a bright sky, but I just had no way of being able to conceive how I could actually get closer to that light. Why not, do you think? Why not? 'Cause, look, I was burnt out. You know, look mentally, I was shot. I'd lost trust in my own sense of judgment. I felt at times, scared and vulnerable. I didn't, I was having issues kind of like trusting myself and people around me, and didn't really know where to begin to try and find a better, better place or a better way to exist. So what changed for you during the course of things that enabled you to start making progress then on your goal? It was truly incremental in a day by day that there wasn't anything that I would adjudicate to be like a silver bullet that kind of took me from crawling to running in a short amount of time. And I would say it was actually the detailed program that I went through with you, which essentially started with learning to build trust and confidence with myself. And I remember back to even just a very straightforward, better times difficult exercise at the beginning where you were asking me every day just to write down 10 things that I'm grateful for or have gratitude for in my life. And once you, once you complete a week, you look back and you've got 70 things around you in your life that you're actually really thankful for. And that made me take a step back and think going, well, wait a minute, you know, my life, my world, my day to day, it's actually a pretty decent place. And in a good way that started giving me the backbone to actually question what was essentially a very negative in a monologue that I had at the time. So that was probably like a key thing, taking those incremental steps to kind of rebuild, trust and confidence, the kind of gratitude for an acknowledgement of the great things that I actually have around me. Now, as you progressed your goal and your goals may have changed, and you may wanna mention that, but as you were progressing with your goal, what do you think made the progress stick? What was helpful for you? What's your secret source to making this goal work out for you? Truly? The secret, it's not a secret. It is daily discipline. It's dedication, every day, and it could be things such as, doing a mental model, which is essentially the backbone, I guess of all that work where you're going through the circumstance, thought, feeling, action, result, framework to critique how you might be thinking or feeling about things to change that mindset to doing a list of 10 each day for gratitude. But also at the same time. And this was one of the key things you said to me from the very beginning, is that you need to be compassionate and patient and kind with yourself first. That I believe is actually the core of everything that I've really learned is if something negative would happen in my life, I would beat myself down constantly about it. If I missed a sales target, or if I didn't close a deal, or if I had a disagreement with a colleague where I thought I was being unfairly targeted, I would beat myself up about it. But with your work and with these frameworks and always coming from everything, from a position of being kind and compassionate and patient with myself and recognizing that I am a human, I've been able to acknowledge that some days aren't great, and look that's part of the human existence. But being able to take a step back, give myself some love, give my inner child some love, but then also be optimistic that I've got the opportunity to make the next day a better day. And at the end of the day, ultimately I've got control over how I think and how I feel about things thanks to the work that I've done with you. Oh, good. And so what results do you think then that you've achieved with this work you've been doing? I mean look, in no order of significance I've found what I could simply describe as my confident self. That version of me, which I remember in times of my life when I knew that I was just heaving with love and patience and gratitude for everything around me. And essentially seeing great results in my life, whether it's personally or professionally, being the person that I wanted to be, and being the person that I wanna be for the people around me, which is my wife and my kids. So that's obviously no... That's no small feat in itself. But it's essentially finding that old... Old in one sense, but new version of a confident self. I found that I've got the ability now to be able to trust in my own judgment and trust in my instincts. And that's coming from things of... We went through an exercise when I was looking for a new role whereby it was actually just simply writing down what are all the great things that I've done historically in a professional environment where I have achieved success, and whatever that looks like? Which I naturally used to help sprout myself in interviews, but also remind myself that I'm a person of value to myself and to people around me. Yeah. Alright. And then while you were talking there, or while you were preparing for this, was there anything else that came into your mind that you would like to share? It's okay to be scared. I think as men sometimes it's very easy to take a path of silence and it's very easy to take a path of, "I'm not feeling well, I'm gonna find some means or an outlet that might not necessarily be in our best interest." What I would say is that for anyone out there... And that this is obviously includes for women as well. And this, just speaking as a man in his late 30s, there is nothing wrong with going out and seeking help. There's nothing wrong with being scared, there's nothing wrong with being vulnerable. These are all parts of the human experience. And I promise you that taking the time to learn how to heal yourself will pay dividends for you in your life in whatever aspect is the priority and focus for you. This isn't just about trying to find that new car or trying to win over that new partner. This is about just trying to live a better existence for yourself and learning how to love yourself again and trust yourself again, and how to basically build up that inner core strength again, so when you have those days that aren't so great, you know how to ride through them from a position of patience and love and compassion. That is such a powerful story to offer to the person who still suffers. Yeah. And I know you've thought about that. I can hear that you've thought about that as well as it reinforces your own journey and your own success and your own achievements as well in your family. Very, very important. Yeah. It does offer a perspective to the person who's still in burnout, so it's... Yeah. Powerful to have your story there. Thank you very much. Thanks. You're more than welcome, it's been life changing. Anything I can do to support you, let me know. If you are in burnout and ready to recover, come and join my Burnout to Leadership Program. You can book in to talk with me@burnout.dexrandall.com. Just tell me what's bugging you and let's make a plan to fix it.