Ep#125 Old Dog New Tricks

[00:00:00] Hi everyone, my name's Dex Randall, and this is the Burnout to Leadership podcast, where I teach professional men to recover from burnout and get back to passion and reward at work.

[00:00:22] Hello my friends, this is Dex, and I am here with you to express my fullest support of you as the excellent human being that I know you are, and to share a bit of hope for the future and the warmth of the humanity that we still possess inside. So even if you're experiencing stress and burnout right now, I'm talking to you.

[00:00:45] So welcome to this week's episode called Old Dog New Tricks. I bet you can't imagine why? It's about learning. You know- that thing we did a lot when we were younger. So eager and full of wonder. But later, we became a bit blasé, we became experts in our field and we forgot all about how to learn.

[00:01:07] We lost that ease and maybe that enthusiasm, that passion for learning. And also we got this kind of awkward unpredictability of not knowing. It's inconvenient, right? Sometimes things, we get things wrong and it's not a good look. We don't think it's a good look anymore. So today, stick with me, hold onto your hats.

[00:01:29] We're going to go on this wild ride and revisit the joy of learning. So please come along with me. Join me in the state of unknowing. Bring along all your skepticism if you need to, but come along. Because really, you're going to need to learn new tricks. If not now, then later. If you are stuck, certainly, or struggling to create change in your life of whatever kind, so that includes burnout, Maybe trying to push your career in a new direction recovering from some organizational change, seeking promotion, starting an entrepreneurial adventure, or just needing to build up your leadership mojo really fast if you got promoted.

[00:02:13] Something like that. Any of those things you're going to need to start learning and learning fast and learning in a more fluid way than maybe you've had to up until now. So what we're going to do today is We're going to talk about the key attitudes and assets you need to create the change you seek as easily as possible and how to overcome possible impediments to learning and creating that change.

[00:02:41] And also don't forget, learning keeps us young and vital. It's actually a pleasure all of itself. It has an almost deliberately naive quality to it that can be quite delightful to experience if we let ourselves go into that more, more childlike way of learning. And even when you've got no major new challenges on your plate, being in beginner's mind, in learner's mind, is such a great way to stay open, fresh, agile, creative, and collaborative.

[00:03:15] And it brings a lightness to your outlook that facilitates learning, change, and growth in any capacity. Because you might as well enjoy the journey, right? If you're going to go there anyway. A learning state is Unencumbered by cynicism. It's the opposite of burnout and stagnation. And I think what brought this up for me is this morning I received a wonderful note from one of my new burnout recovery coaching clients who faces organizational imperatives, shall we call them, based on profit

[00:03:48] more than quality of service, loyalty, expertise, and teamwork. And what we're working on together is an acceptance of "what is" at work. Sometimes you just have to work with it, not against it. But at the same time, recognition of personal integrity, those super important values, abundant skills and a generous intention applied every day, in this case, to support patient.

[00:04:19] I'm talking about the medical sector here, where moral injury is a big factor, but I could just as well be talking about almost any other sector. Where profit appears to have taken over from everyday humanity and reason. All too common these days and many clients do arrive at my door sinking under the pressure to perform to ever increasing demand.

[00:04:43] And I'm reminded this week particularly because it's been in the news again of the way the Australian supermarket duopoly puts pressure on farmers. Which contributes, in my view, to a woeful effect on mental health in that sector. And by the way, in case you're interested in the plight of farmers, which I am, I'm going to put a couple of links in the show notes of support resources for farmers in Australia, where I am, and also USA International Farmers.

[00:05:14] And as well I'm going to include a link that I love so much, it's to a brilliant new feature film made by an Australian farmer, No previous film experience at all. To help us all understand the pressures that farmers face. It's so excellent. Go and have a look at it. And coming back to you, whatever your plight may be if you are suffering burnout as you listen, firstly, I do want to offer you some hope you can recover from burnout, whatever industry you're in, whatever organizational issues you face.

[00:05:46] Whatever the pressures are on you at work, or even outside of work, you can recover from burnout and stay out of burnout and create a much better, more enjoyable future for yourself. And I can teach you how to do that. I strongly believe in this. It's my passion. And if you'd like to know a little bit more about that now, you can come and talk to me and we can make a plan together for your recovery.

[00:06:12] If you want to do that, you can go to DexRandall. com, book an appointment to talk to me. And if you are in burnout as well, don't delay because the signature of burnout is, tends not to get better on its own, even when it seems circumstantial. Whether you've tried all sorts of things already or tried nothing to fix burnout, I can help you recover on a predictable time scale.

[00:06:40] And I know I talk a lot about recovery, on the podcast. That's because it's a burnout recovery podcast. It's because it's what I do, and I'm so passionate about it. And also because a lot of people think that burnout recovery is unattainable or unworkable, and it absolutely is not. Because I guarantee the solution. I'm not all hot air, promise, but I really, really hate for good people to be suffering.

[00:07:10] And if you need a solution, one is here. So really what can happen is I think for people in burnout, you can learn enough and create enough change in three months to recover from burnout. And that's without needing to change your job or any of the other circumstances you face. In your workplace. Okay, rant off.

[00:07:31] Now let's talk about how to learn. I know I'm daft, I know. Okay, old dog, new tricks. I think that applies to me more than anyone else. It's about neuroplasticity, right? You're going to recover faster from burnout or get a bit of oomph behind your career growth, if that's your purpose here, by going back to your childhood.

[00:07:54] Okay, I'm only kidding. What I really mean is going back to when learning was an everyday experience and you're fluent at it and it seemed probably exciting and full of wonder to you. Some of you didn't have that. For those of you who didn't have an enjoyable learning experience at school, if you had, for example, learning disabilities or dyslexia or you went to a public school in a punishment culture or whatever other impediment you had, no problem.

[00:08:23] I can still help you with that, too, and you can discover a kind of learning that is fun and quickly rewarding as an adult. A lot more fun anyway than the deadening experience of burnout or being stuck in your career or your job. So what I'm going to do today is I'm going to walk through some of the learning assets that will speed you along your way, whatever it is you're trying to learn, particularly, specifically as an adult.

[00:08:52] And it can make that journey easier and more fun. So the learning assets I'm going to talk about are the ones that I facilitate and encourage in coaching. Many of my clients come to me, they're a little bit rusty on the learning side and also they quite often haven't felt the safety and encouragement they need to start a big recovery journey and a learning journey.

[00:09:18] But of course, once you start on that journey, as you go, confidence in yourself builds all the way through. So perhaps beginning it is the hardest part. And I think one of the assets you really need to be able to learn is psychological safety. Because it's an irreducible human need. We all need to feel psychologically safe to perform.

[00:09:44] And coming from Timothy R. Clarke, who wrote a very good book on this subject, there are four levels of psychological safety. Inclusion, which is being allowed to be a member of a group or a team, feeling free to speak and join in. Learner safety, which is not being ridiculed for not yet having proficiency or competence or for making little mistakes.

[00:10:11] The third level is contributor safety. Which is having permission to improve on the methods that are there, or adding to those methods. And level four is challenger safety, where you'll have permission to disagree with the status quo, how things have been done, and to offer up your own changes to that. So psychological safety, first of all inclusion.

[00:10:36] Learner safety. Contributor safety, challenger safety. To really begin to create personal change for yourself at work, you need at least inclusion and learner safety. And I think the way we can look at that is because burnout recovery is a, an inner process as much as an outer process, The safety you need, the inclusion safety, is safety you can create internally within you.

[00:11:05] And learner safety you can also create internally within you by not punishing or blaming or criticizing yourself for making change and having a go. So that's something I talk about a lot when I'm coaching is how to create enough safety to create change, because we need to feel safe to come out of our shell.

[00:11:27] And usually the impediments for that will be culture, organizational culture, your boss, your team, what we might call a toxic workplace. That's not actually a barrier to burnout recovery, by the way, but it is something that we would need to address during a recovery process. Another impediment is Compliance and performance targets.

[00:11:50] If they're particularly astringent, then, part of the safety of embarking on a burnout recovery is, okay, how can we meet targets? You need support in that. And another impediment is, it's inside us. It's our own lack of self approval and our own rampant self criticism. We keep our heads underwater a little bit.

[00:12:10] We stop ourselves feeling safe with our self blame, our lack of self belief, and really a burnout recovery process helps you to reverse the polarity on that and become a champion of you. So you create this safe environment inside where you get courageous enough to do the things you need to do to make change, to recover from burnout.

[00:12:33] So that's the upside really is when you create enough safety internally and externally for yourself, you create a willingness to learn and change. And it also allows you to recognize your own agency in the situation that you're in, particularly here at work. And it stimulates you to have a really good honest look at your situation with a view to setting a goal of what burnout recovery or your new work adventure looks like and how you'll know you've got there.

[00:13:06] So the first step, I would say, the first learning asset you need is this safety. And this is where I coach my clients to feel safe at every step of recovery. 

[00:13:21] The second one obviously related to that is finding an expert mentor who knows the way you're going. Okay, it's critical for those of you who tried to fix your own burnout or had other help and it hasn't worked.

[00:13:35] So I offer myself as a qualified expert in this area. When we talk about your situation, if I can help, I will offer to help you. If we both agree that we'd like to work together, I make an offer to you in terms of burnout recovery and I guarantee your results. If I can't help you recover from burnout, I'm more than happy to find you somebody else who can, another suitable mentor.

[00:14:00] And in finding a mentor, I think one of the biggest impediments is thinking we can fix burnout ourselves. We don't want someone else to do it. We'd rather tuck ourselves away and get on with the job ourselves. 

[00:14:12] The other impediment is if you feel that you've tried everything already and you hold that up as proof that nothing works to fix burnout, that's going to make it difficult to seek or accept a mentor. I think really, particularly burnout recovery, which is not very amenable to being fixed by ourselves internally without help. If you're without a mentor, your quest is likely to be fruitless and further demoralizing. But there's an upside to that. You might choose to stay in that state because it's going to leave you unchallenged.

[00:14:52] It's not going to ask anything more of you. So you won't need to face any perhaps uncomfortable truths about being in burnout. Another impediment to seeking a mentor is thinking burnout is temporary, situation dependent, and waiting for that situation to change, or believing it's somebody else's fault that you're in burnout.

[00:15:15] And if you have that belief, look back over your career and ask yourself if this is the first time you've felt this demoralized and exhausted, or has there been a previous pattern? That'll tell you the answer to that question. And lastly, as I've said, it's relying on yourself to fix burnout, even when evidence suggests that won't work.

[00:15:35] And that's understandable. A fear of exposure and a fear of failure will come into play there, but it may prevent you from seeking a mentor who can actually help you. But once you do get a mentor, of course, An expert mentor will make your recovery journey easy. You'll just be following a step by step process and get better.

[00:15:54] It's probably the fastest way to recover and your energy and enthusiasm should come back pretty quickly. So it takes all the heavy lifting off you. It's a bit more lighthearted. It's more supportive. It's more fun than doing it alone. 

[00:16:09] And also you're going to get a lot of positive feedback, which you probably aren't giving yourself right now.

[00:16:16] It gets through any blind spots you may have in your burnout and you don't waste any effort on things you can't change. Or that don't need to change in order for you to recover. It's a straight through process. It's really direct and targeted. So if you do recover from burnout completely, results will be sustainable and for added bonus, it will help you promote your own career growth.

[00:16:40] So I think number two learning asset here in burnout recovery is finding an expert mentor who will fast track your recovery for you. And work alongside you. Of course, then it comes down to you. So number three is cultivate an open mind. Burnout recovery naturally requires change. So flexing your change muscle is important, especially if you feel jaded about what's possible.

[00:17:08] When I coach, I teach people how to open their minds by demonstrating using an example problem from their life, how they can create a better result for themselves. So I would do that for you as well if you come to me. And the impediments to creating an open mind really are dogmatic views being stuck in the past and in fear. If you feel you don't understand; that nothing will improve, it's not going to work, you can't do it, you can't have what you want, you're not good enough, those kinds of things will be an impediment to keeping an open mind about change. Or this belief that you've tried everything, it's coming from fear, but it's also got a jaded quality.

[00:17:52] But I think once you open your mind, once you get an example of being able to improve your situation in some small way, it's a leading example where you can see that you have some agency, suddenly you start to see this open green grass in front of you and you're away. You start embracing new ideas then that delight you, ones that you couldn't see before you began.

[00:18:17] So number three is really choosing or learning to open your mind to new solutions that you can't currently see. And once you've got a little bit of openness in you, then the next one, number four, is choosing to unstick yourself. Once you've allowed that you may not need to stay stuck, there may be another option.

[00:18:37] You'll actively choose to grow to a more favorable position for you. And usually that's a little bit organic. When you still feel terrible you might start to taste a little bit of freedom. You take a little leap of faith to get that first example on the board and then you're going to start to grow and grow your confidence as you go that things can change.

[00:19:01] Now you've unstuck yourself and now you've opened your mind a little bit. So this first step is where I support my clients in the first place. I hold hope for them and show them a little bit of early success until they overcome initial doubt and make a more self driven choice to succeed. So impediments to unsticking yourself is being very invested in the status quo.

[00:19:25] You might complain and whinge about it. But you're still a bit too scared or doubtful to make change. And that can be coming from fear of change, or it could be from people pleasing. You might be invested in a relationship that you can't afford to change. It could be another impediment that you believe things can only get worse in a shake up.

[00:19:50] Or that you'll only feel worse in a shake up of your status quo. Or that you haven't quite made it safe to stop hiding away and become who you really are. All of the authentic you. So really in making the choice to unstick, you need to make it safe to be a bit more experimental. You're going somewhere unfamiliar.

[00:20:11] You need to make it safe for yourself to fail. Not criticise yourself for minor failures on the way. And this is what I do create. This is a level of safety that I create for my clients at the beginning until they learn how. 

[00:20:27] But the result when you're unsticking yourself is, you're not going to waste any effort, but you're going to free yourself to go in the direction of your dreams, if you like.

[00:20:37] You're choosing to unstick yourself and let go a little bit of the past, which you found, presumably since you're here, rather troublesome to you. And once you've chosen to unstick, then really the next asset you've got to learn how to move away from this position is to set a goal, because that allows you to be really intentional.

[00:20:57] You're going to be quicker, more direct towards your goal once you've set it than you are if you just know where you're going away from, but you don't know where you're going to. It also makes it a little bit easier to track once you've set a goal, which is helpful to give those markers of progress.

[00:21:16] And also I help people set goals in their burnout recovery because people who come to me are professionals. They already know how to work with goals and how to make goals happen. So I encourage clients to make smart goals so we both know where we're going and we can commit to that result together.

[00:21:35] Of course, for burnout clients, usually the ultimate goal is to be out of burnout. But initially, they're usually so flat out and exhausted, they just want to feel better. Less tired and less grumpy. 

[00:21:47] So they might set a first goal, for example, to get their anxiety from 8 out of 10 down to 3 out of 10 each day so they can recover a bit of energy for the journey and impediments to setting a goal, usually in burnout, it's lack of vision and self belief. There's an element of burnout which is rather depressive and it tells us that nothing can ever get better and nothing can ever change. So we have to see through that a little. 

[00:22:13] There can be an unwillingness to commit. Am I really good for the work? Can I really do this? Am I going to fail again? Will it get worse? And there's also the kind of emotional discomfort. If I set a goal, I'm going to have to go through fatigue and vulnerability, maybe a bit of shame about where I'm at, maybe some guilt about not doing it already.

[00:22:38] Another impediment really in setting a goal is if you think your burnout is caused by someone or something outside of you, you might be a little bit reluctant to set a goal that relies on you doing stuff to fix it. So number five, really, I think it's a real strength to set a goal in terms of new direction when you're going in an uncertain direction to a place you've never been before,

[00:23:04] setting a goal is the fastest way of getting there. And once you've set a goal, it might be good to find some collaborators. That's number six. You might find that you have supporters already in your world who can help you in burnout recovery specifically, or in career growth as well. Maybe a partner or a friend, a workmate, or sometimes even your boss.

[00:23:25] Or somebody more senior to you can be a mentor to you in that. And if you work with me, I can be that supporter for you. Who believes in you, believes in your recovery, and reflects positive change to you. 

[00:23:39] And you might hold yourself back from that, from looking for collaborators, typically because of shame or guilt. You don't want to feel exposed, powerless, embarrassed, show failure, show vulnerability. It's a bit of an awkward time to ask for a collaborator. Sometimes it asks for a level of trust that you don't really feel at the moment. 

[00:24:01] And sometimes you want to maintain the status you possess or have possessed at work, and you don't want to let somebody see anything different in you. Sometimes for that reason, many people want the process to be private. Of course, that makes sense, doesn't it? 

[00:24:20] So if you've got low trust of yourself and low trust of other people, collaboration is going to be a challenge all of its own. And the other thing is, if you take a collaborator on who has a vested interest in your trajectory from here, that collaborator might want to interfere with your process. Probably not so helpful, but if you do find a good collaborator, the result can be, you've got a very valuable ally who can offer you encouragement on the journey. But if you don't have any suitable, except myself or another mentor, you will still recover. Don't worry too much about collaborators.

[00:24:57] Number seven, obviously you need to establish a new learning habit. And this is the bit where you start taking daily continuous action towards your goal. This is the part where you get off your bum and make something new happen. 

[00:25:12] Either you make new things happen or you make old things happen in new ways.

[00:25:17] So this is moving the needle of change in the direction of your dream. And it's easy once your recovery journey takes hold, it's going to gather its own momentum, creating new learning habits. You're going to see more and more wins. And that's a self reinforcing loop. Other people are also going to notice you changing by the way.

[00:25:40] But in the first place, as you start out, you're going to need commitment and discipline. As new habits always take time to establish and the first bit is often the awkward bit. The way I deal with this with the people that I work with is they're professionals. They already know about learning, commitment and self discipline, and they can rely on that usually to get started.

[00:26:02] But impediments to creating this new learning habit, usually it's lack of faith. Your inner critic might be telling you it's a total waste of time. And the other side of that is, you might schedule daily action to reinforce your new habit, but you might skip it. You might find reasons to escape doing that task every day.

[00:26:23] Exhaustion, cynicism and despair can play a part in this too. You might just set yourself up for failure. 

[00:26:32] In some cases, it's easier to stay in the familiar territory of being stuck than it is to move forward. It takes a certain amount of courage, grit.

[00:26:43] And learning is not about consuming information. It's not about finding out how to do things. Learning is nothing without active participation. It's an active process. None of the learning you acquire will stick if you're just reading it and taking no action. So you've got to put yourself out there and make experiments with your new learning.

[00:27:06] But if you do, you will start seeing small results, little tiny results at first, and acknowledging those results reinforces your progress. Celebrating, a little win. And as you go further and further and create more and more wins, you're going to restore a huge amount of confidence and self esteem in yourself as those habits begin to develop and you see your own efforts come to fruition.

[00:27:33] So that's number seven, establishing a learning habit. A very active process. And alongside of that, when you start to learn new things, old habits and fears will crop back up again. So number eight is disarming those old habits and fears. I've mentioned this a little bit already, but your biggest barrier to growth will be your self limiting beliefs.

[00:27:58] Things you tell yourself you can't do, and then all the feelings that come up around that. Usually things like inadequacy, shame, guilt, anxiety, or feeling demoralized by the self judgment of your inner critic. Because, warning, fear prevents positive action towards your dreams. That's universal. We've all got to face up to that.

[00:28:26] And we will shift that in coaching, but it is the main barrier for those people who are trying to recover from burnout alone, is changing that habit at that level it's not easy. So the impediments to disarming your fear, 

[00:28:44] lack of skill in changing your beliefs, you don't know how to change what you currently think of as the truth.

[00:28:51] And also, you can't change your thoughts and beliefs, but it also there's going to come up unwillingness to feel negative emotions, and you really will need to feel and confront those negative emotions to grow. Self inquiry is almost inevitable in growth, so you know what to embrace and what to discard in your belief system and your thoughts and habits, your habitual way of doing things.

[00:29:15] Can be a little bit painful, I won't lie. And emotional avoidance prevents burnout recovery. It actually prevent any useful change in your M. O. And included in emotional avoidance is any kind of addictive or distracting behavior, maybe something like snacking or checking your phone or burying yourself in Netflix in the evening.

[00:29:41] Anything that takes you away from the thing you promised yourself you would do. 

[00:29:45] And the harmless antidote to all of this, disarming old fears and habits, 

[00:29:50] And I'm talking here in the absence of mental illness or trauma, which is a separate deal. The antidote to all of this is to notice what feelings you're avoiding, how you're avoiding them, and just simply becoming willing to feel them.

[00:30:04] Sounds simple? Often takes a little bit of training. 

[00:30:08] Again, recovering from burnout alone, people usually aren't willing to take this step, as freeing as it is, because it's uncomfortable. And in coaching, you're going to learn how and open up this whole new world of choices that you can now make for yourself, once you're no longer afraid of your own feeling.

[00:30:28] So, number eight, disarm old habits and fears. And number nine, of course, you need to be a little bit future focused and win focused, looking forward to the new you, not backwards, which only reinforces the deficits you're trying to change. 

[00:30:45] And in burnout, particularly, we spend most of our time looking backwards, fixating on the horror and failure, drowning in anxiety and self blame, and hence our future becomes just that past misery recreated.

[00:31:02] So we need to forget what's gone before really to recover. We need to tap into this future self who's already created the success we crave. Has already achieved our goal. And we ask them, okay, how did you do that? And then we listen for the answer. They'll tell us. Cause burnout's not permanent.

[00:31:19] You don't have to keep recreating your past in your future. It's not branded into your cells. So forget the pain, focus on the better experience to come and stay connected with that dream and open to the possibility that it can happen. 

[00:31:38] Just practice believing in the future because feelings like optimism, gratitude, enthusiasm can all be practiced on purpose.

[00:31:50] Like this, you just ask yourself some questions. Am I still alive? Have I got air in my lungs and food in my belly? Okay, well then I can practice gratitude. Do I live in a house? Okay, practice gratitude. Did I have a hot shower today? Again, am I glad I've got the opportunity to create something different?

[00:32:09] Maybe that's going to create some optimism for you or some enthusiasm, because you've got this marvellous supercomputer brain, right? It's still capable, it's completely capable of creating a new future that you choose, if you give it a chance. If you choose to support it, not slam it. That's number nine, be future focused.

[00:32:29] And if you'd like help in creating any of those learning assets, so you can get off the mark with your burnout recovery and make it stick, those are all very liberating and life affirming assets and states that I've talked about. If you'd like help getting there, I'm here for you. I run a coaching program to support professionals out of burnout.

[00:32:53] And in the show notes today, if you want a little bit more impetus on that, if you want a little bit more learning, I'm going to include some of my other podcast episodes in the show notes about habits and creating change. 

[00:33:08] Maybe that will enliven your enthusiasm for the project because creating change itself is ultimately a very powerful endorphin and your life is long, right? Don't choose to stay in burnout. Come and talk to me about how you can recover quickly and sustainably and get back to your best performance, leadership, success, and most of all enjoyment inside work and out. 

[00:33:35] As I said before, you can book an appointment to talk with me at DexRandall. com. 

[00:33:42] And if you enjoyed this episode, please help me reach more people in burnout by rating and reviewing the podcast. I really do appreciate your support. 

[00:33:51] If you know somebody else who's heading towards or in burnout who could benefit from this podcast, please send them the podcast link. Refer it to them because it's packed with practical tips for burnout recovery. I recommend that new people listen to the first five episodes to get started.

[00:34:09] Thank you so much for listening today. I hope you found something here that was useful to you.